I am wondering if there are any others out there dealing with ADHD and a history of trauma. My partner has both and is currently untreated. We live very close to Hallowell Centers in MA but need to find a doctor that accepts insurance.

This is wreaking havoc on our lives and I don't know what to do anymore. We have the all the "regular" ADHD stuff I see on this site (forgetfulness, chronic lateness, missed commitments, distractibility, insomnia, lack of empathy, driving /accident problems, etc) and then periods of what appears to be ADHD on steriods - severe aggravation of the ADHD symptoms because of trauma or just the trauma symptoms on top of the ADHD (which came first, the chicken or the egg?). 

Especially concerning are the dissociative episodes. Conflict between us often arises because she has limited or no recollection of the events leading up to any disagreement. Often, she forgets arguments even happened.  Then she doesn't understand why I don't want to be close and sees it as me shutting her off emotionally for no reason. This has led to many discussions of why I am the problem, and why I need medication to calm my anxiety. We recently had a period of two weeks where I was absolutely traumatized by the behaviors and she recollected almost none of it. She was absolutely defiant at first that the events even took place. Once she stopped being defensive and started to listen (over a couple of weeks) she came to see that I wasn't making these things up, they really happened. 

We started seeking treatment for the ADHD at the end of last year. She has thrown up several roadblocks along the way that have severely impaired our ability to get her on any effective medication (missed appointments, arguments with doctors, switching doctors). She takes Ritalin now that is prescribed by her primary care. The dosage is not correct and the trauma history was never factored into the equation. There have been many epiphanies on her part during the past year about what was happening and the effect it had on her, me, and us. Most were lost within days and we were back to me being the problem with my triggers, anxieties, and overreactions. She started therapy early this year. In my opinion, her individual therapy has been limited in its effectiveness as she is not able to convey an accurate history or recount recent events accurately with her therapist. 

With the current knowledge on her part about the severity of the recent dissociative episodes she appears committed to getting help. She seems to have a pretty good grasp on the magnitude of the problem and the effects of the behaviors.  She is also very aware that my patience and understanding have reached their limits and that I am going to be putting myself first from now on.  So, we are now back to square one, without treatment and looking for a psycho-pharmacologist(?) willing and able to manage complex ADHD. Has anyone else has pursued treatment for these combined issues and what unique qualifications (if any) we should be looking for? Is there anyone you would personally recommend in the Boston area?