ADHD and self indulgence

I am the add person, the other half of the angry posts. I took advice given to me and I read from the site and I am angry. I'll try to keep it short. I have a side to my story too, even with undiagnosed add. Without the diagnosis, my words had at least some value. Post diagnosis, everything has been rewired--I am officially a selfish inconsiderate add person trying to fix himself. Insert here the list of all the things add people can't do. Presto. She Is justified. Now I spend a lot of energy coping in a relationship where EVERY time my spouse feels hurt or mad, it's's the add. Any time something doesn't go the exact way she thinks it should, it's the add. Any time there is a breakdown in communication, it's the add. Now, go back and replace the phrase "it's the add" with "it's the author of this post." Basically, it's all me. Diagnosis has given me meds which help. It has given me a new framework to view the world with. Both have helped me to understand myself better and I am now making real improvements to myself. But diagnosis and acceptance have also given my spouse the proof she needs to indulge her every anger, gripe and complaint about our present and our past. She doesn't have to look at herself. Because it's all about the add.