ADHD and sex


Hello everyone! I'm not married to an ADHD person (Chris), but we've
been together for over 7 years. We love each other so much that we
intend to marry when I complete my studies. We have come across many
different problems in our relationship and one of them is sex...Ok, this
is going to be impossible to explain if I don't dive into details, so it
can be a little explicit.

I need fore play and it's difficult for him. I believe he is impatient
when it comes to sex. He for years has skipped my breasts for example.
He also tends to forget how I like it. I have to tell him hundreds of
times, over and over again.

He is absolutely no selfish lover, but he mainly does things he wants me
to enjoy instead of what I in reality enjoy.

Most of the time he is very irritable and clumsy during foreplay, while
I know he can be a very smooth and good lover. An example is: we are
lying in bed, relaxed and we are kissing. We are enjoying ourselves and
suddenly he pulls off my shirt in a very harsh way. This is not
necessarily bad, but it was very inappropriate at that time.

Then there's our biggest problem. He is really big down there, and I am
a small girl and I can get tense down there...Before we have intercourse
I have to get really aroused and we have a tool that loosens me up. In
order to do is, he has to perform two things at the same time. Making me
aroused with his tongue or hand and at the same time managing that tool.
When he loses his concentration he can do things that don't really work
on me, or he acts unpredictable. There have been moments when he has
been hurting me while his thoughts were wondering off. I have to pay
attention in order to give directions or that he isn't doing something I
don't like. There fore, I can not relax and the whole purpose of the
fore play loses it's value.

When I take control, he shows difficulty with that. It's hard for him to
'surrender' himself. Sadly, taking pills before sex is impossible because
it gives him trouble sleeping.

I have come across an article that explains that it has to do with his
ADHD. Sadly, there were no real solutions for these problems. Maybe
there are people who can enlighten us? It now has become impossible to
have sex, because I start to distrust him in the bedroom.

Thanks for reading,

A dutch girl