ADHD and Travel

Hi Folks, Hoping you all can help. I've been together with my girlfriend for 6 years and it has been very rocky. I suspect she has ADHD and exhibits conflict seeking behavior and is never on time for anything. I have asked her to come to counseling with me, but when I tried to set it up, it didn't fit with her schedule. I gave her the counselors contact info and tried to get her to set it up 3 times and that was 5 months ago and still no progress. She refuses to even discuss the possibility that she has ADHD and gets angry when I bring up the topic. I would just move on at this point, but we have a beautiful 2 year old son that I love dearly. Even though it wasn't my choice to have children and I had told her so, she just decided to go off the pill and have a child. I see my son every night and weekend even though we don't live together since both of our houses are too small and I cannot convince her to buy a house with me large enough for all of us. To make matters worse, we haven't had sex since my son was born since I have a difficult time feeling close to her when she is so argumentative. We are leaving for vacation in 2 days and her Sister and kids will be meeting up with us. I told her tonight that I wanted to leave for the airport at 2:30 so that we are not rushed (we missed a flight on our last vacation because we were late) and that I was leaving at 2:45 with or without her. Of course she flew off the handle and told me that I didn't have to threaten her that she was an adult. I explained that I was not threatening her but that I wanted her to fully understand what my plan was and that I didn't need the stress. The question is, do I leave for the airport by myself when she is not on time, and let her get there herself and incur her wrath while on vacation or should I just leave and stay home and let her spend time with her family on vacation? I'm at my wits end and tired of rushing to the airport and would prefer a more harmonious relationship. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Pink's picture

Here what you can do

Since she know what time the flight is... maybe the best if you can stop by her place at 2:00 pm and say ... "hey I am here... do you need any help" Play with the kid and let her get ready. Maybe it will be a good idea to take a car service and say " I will call a car service and be there at 2:30" sometime you can make the call a day before or early in the day. That way it is not your clock anymore... the car is waiting outside and she will have to meet the car time. Or the worst... just meet at the gate if she rather travel alone to the airport. maybe if you offer to help with the kid that way she see it that you want to spend time with the kid rather than other way trying to get her out on time.  It will help if she get everything she needs to take with her the day before... so there is no rush to get there... Maybe say we would like to pick a bite at the airport before the flight. Get there early and spend time at the airport.

The bottom line is... you are going to spend your time with you kid. Don't worry too much about her or her family. Keep your goal for your kid. Good luck... let us know how it went.

Such similarities...

Wow, how similar to my experiences with my wife.   This time we stayed at the hotel right at the airport the night before so as to allow lots of time to get going in the am and catch our oversea's fight.   We made it with lots of time to spare at the airline desk but then this is what happened!   When my wife put her passport on the counter and two other pieces of ID, she was suddenly told "You are not flying today Maam".   She had three different pieces of ID with different information on each.   She was told she needed to have her passport corrected, something that could not be done as it meant leaving the airport, heading to the city's southern end to teh passport office and making it back on time to catch the flight.   Not happening!   So the nice lady behind the counter seeing our frustration, took my wife's passport and came back a half hour or so later with corrections made.   Wow!   I was so thankful for a very helpful and understanding employee.   So you see, it does not stop where you left off it continues in other parts of your life and does not seem to end.   I was at exactly where you are at two years ago.   Now we are divorcing as she cannot accept she has a problem affecting her and others.

Just my two cent's worth.   Be careful how you react because you will eventually become angry.   I wish I would have found my present counselor two years ago as she is extraordinary at helping find ways to manage your emotions and reactions in cases such as these.   My only advice to you is to seek a good counselor for yourself before you start to come apart due to the irresponsibilities around you.   Get help now, manage your emotions now and hopefully you will find ways to work things out and prevent what I am going through right now.

Good luck to you both.

 

RM