hi! my wife and I got married 5 years ago. I was 25 she was 24. We had a terrible honeymoon because she couldn't have sex as it was excruciatingly painful for her. We than didn't knew what vaginismus was. We tried to sort it out ourselves but failed and after almost 2 years we went to see a gynecologist who diagnosed it as vaginismus and adviced to use dilators. I got the dilators for her and it has been 3 years since that. she uses them occasionally but isn't consistent and the vaginismus problem still persists. I have been very supportive all these years and have tried my best to fully understand her as I have always loved her.
She has always been the lazy person who wakes up at 4pm in the afternoon and sleeps late, is not organized, and even forgets brushing her teeth most nights. She would watch Netflix the whole day even while having breakfast and dinner. She is a very creative and a talented person (a perfectionist) but I would often tell her 'you are wasting yourself' because she would not get involved in any task. Nothing seems to excite her. We are very good friends and talk about everything. Sometimes she would overresponse to things that i'd say which would make me anxious.
Our marital life has started to get effected lately. She isn't there for me to talk or to be intimate or be emotionally available. We recently found that she may have ADHD, got consulted to a psychiatrist and got it confirmed and the doctor started her on anti depression drugs for 1 month. All her symptoms are that of ADHD and she has been having them since childhood without realizing it.
I am really concerned about my marriage as I don't see it getting much better even after managing ADHD. We are having lots of arguments and fights recently and the intensity is increasing day by day. The main reason I feel she has been delaying her vaginismus treatment is also because of her ADHD symptoms of delaying it till the last minute/does'nt excite her much. I am both emotionally and physically frustrated at this point and don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes i feel i should lie to her that ill leave her to stimulate her to act.... i don't know.
How much does ADHD treatment make a difference? Can things ever be normal living with ADHD person?