ADHD and/or BPD

Hi, I'm new here and would like some input if available. Reading over the material here it seems that my wife has a high likelihood of having ADHD. She fits the descriptions perfectly and has a daughter who was diagnosed as ADHD. Her behaviors also match very good when I do the similar comparisons with borderline personality disorder. This is all well and fine, but I am not a doctor so it really matters little what I diagnose. The main driver of her BPD-like symptoms, in addition of her fears of abandonment, is that she cannot appear as vulnerable in any way. Because of that she will not pursue therapy or psychiatric diagnoses (even after she was involuntarily committed) because she's "just fine". I was wondering if anyone here has had experience with this issue, or advice on how to move forward. I've pretty much accepted that my wife is the way she is and that I can neither control nor cure her. At the same time our relationship suffers because of it all. Mostly all I can do is practice radical acceptance. Thanks in advance for any ideas or comments.