My husband has been diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar disorder. Two weeks ago he started an intensive outpatient rehab for benzo addiction. I was the one who told him he needed to go talk to someone. He kept telling me he didn't have a problem. At first he told me he had only been taking them for a two years (I KNEW that wasn't true because he's been taking them for as long as we've been together). Now I found out it's more like ten years. He told me he had only taken what his Dr. prescribed. Then I found out he manipulated pills out of other people. I found out he conned his sister (who is a nurse) to give him benzos on our wedding day by telling her he was sooooo nervous. Then he went wine tasting because he was using alcohol to enhance the effects of the drugs. He admitted that he was taking two or three kinds of benzo, layering them with booze and then smoking pot on top of it (all at the same time). This has caused so many problems. So much so that there is now legal ramifications. I am really angry.
We have been married only a year and the whole year has been taken up in his "issues". He is now in group therapy nine hours a week and has to go to NA. He is what I like to say "high on rehab" but I figure it's another type of hyper focusing. I want him to stay clean but I absolutely won't take on the management of his recovery. In fact, I just won't drink th kool-aid right now. He is making all these grandiose proclamations of how he is a reformed man. Except he isn't yet and I know it. He is upset that I am not happier that he got into rehab. I am not happy he is in rehab but perhaps I will become happy if he stays clean .
He has told all his family he is an addict. They have all patted his head and made soothing noises at him. Has anyone picked up the phone to ask how I'm doing? Nope. I'm angry about that too.
I am angry because this is not what was supposed to happen. How is it my life got screwed up because of his problem??
But mostly I am angry at myself. Angry because I didn't listen to that little voice in my head before I married him that told me walk away.
We are sleeping in separate rooms right now because I just need some peace and quiet. A place I can retreat into just to be able to think, look at puppies on the internet and remember what it was like when life felt normal.