Incessant stonewalling when he says he wants to improve things???

My boyfriend and I are on the verge of a breakup after 7 years. He says he is miserable being away from me and will do anything to work it out.

Apparently, anything does not include discussing my feelings and problems. He has gone to see an ADHD specialist but is already talking trash about him because he is "smug," whatever the hell that means. He will listen for 10-15 minutes before he insists on getting off the phone. When I got angry because I didn't feel heard, he said i am insecure and "emotionally retarded." He says he is too but we are the same in that regard. After having been attending weekly therapy for a year and having him agree that I am much better in my self-esteem issues,  I highly disagree. He says that I act like everything has to be on my terms and that I am bossy. Actually, I just let him steamroll me for years and have stopped taking it. But now I'm overbearing according to him. It is like talking to an alien. I have no idea why he says he wants to be with me. I want to tear my hair out. How could I be with such a lunatic for years?