ADHD boyfriend is so up and down!

I have posted in a forum before and got a lot of negative replays saying I should run and not out up with him, etc. So I'm a bit hesitant of posting this. 

the guy I am with has extremely bad ADHD. The saddest part is, that he has never been taught how to properly deal with it. He was on pills for it which were ones that also dealt with his anxiety and depression. He went off of his pills though and hasn't been as up and down since he stopped them. 

We met back in august, and instantly connected. He wanted to be around me all the time, started moving his stuff in to my place. Everything seemed like it was meant to be. But then, life got in the way. He was dealing with a custody battle with his ex, got a message from a girl that he had a fling with, stating that she was pregnant and it was his, and with that, everything started to go to hell. It came so fast, and left even faster. I could tell that he was trying to be happy with me, but started pulling away and I eventually found out that he was seeing a friend of his behind my back (she is younger and parties a lot. Not a stable person and not settled down at all). I told him to leave. I could see the confusion and the hurt in his eyes. I even saw him cry. But, he packed his things and that was that. My heart was shattered. 

After he left, he wouldn't leave me alone, like he was obsessed with me and had to talk to me. I blocked his number, but he would screen his number so he could still call but not text. After a week and a half of this, I told him I would go for a drive to talk. We started hanging out every evening, while he was technically still with this other girl. We were just friends though. I understand him a bit and he feels comfortable talking to me. 

He told me he made a big mistake and wanted me back. He pushed me away because he couldn't deal with everything that was going on, plus work on a serious, lifetime commitment to me, and give me everything I needed. I got it, I understood and I knew he was being honest with me. 

Hes back in my home now. And I love him. He gives me attention and affection. But, now we have another issue that is confusing him and causing problems. The girl he was seeing before he came back to me is pregnant, and this time, it's for real and for sure his. He knew there was a possibility of her being pregnant when he chose to come back to me. But because him and her do not get a long at all, and he doesn't see a future with her, he followed his heart. 

He won't fully commit to me, even though he is living with me. He says that he needs the freedom to deal with this other woman and the pregnancy without me being able to tell him what to do. His brain is all over the place now and it's hard to deal with. We were fighting about it and his mother got involved and told me to kick him out and freaked out at him. He called his ex (his daughters mother) and broke down and asked her to talk to me and tell me not to kick him out and help me understand what he needs from me. She told me to stop pressuring him and to just be supportive. She told me that pressuring him will just push him further in the other direction and if I just stop, he will make the right decisions. they were together for 6 years, and went through a similar situation when she was 6 months pregnant, so she kind of gets it. 

I just don't know how long I should give him to figure his shit out. The past few days, since I talked to his ex, things have been a bit better. I havnt pressed the issue with him and have just been letting things be for now. I'm trying not to be selfish, as I know that he may leave to be with her, since she is having his baby. I get it, he might figure it's the right thing to do. 

I guess I just need some support through this. I'm happy with him and he is happy with me, I just wish that life would give us a break for once. It just keeps throwing stuff at us, testing us, and it's hard to handle. His brain needs a break to figure his stuff out. 

How do I help him? Is there even anything I can do or should I just let it work itself out and not pressure him, like his ex said? 

What concerns me in your

What concerns me in your situation is the possibility that what seems like your boyfriend "following his heart" is actually your boyfriend evading responsibility for his children and their mothers.  I would give this person as much room as possible to do the right thing, which, I think, is supporting his daughter and his child-to-be.

Oh no, not at all. Total

Oh no, not at all. Total opposite actually. He takes very good care of his 5 year old daughter. We have her every weekend and any days that she does not have school. He is a fantastic dad and loves his daughter and is very good with mind. 

He is tacking responsibility for the one on the way as well. She doesn't drive, so he offers to take her to appointments and paid for her vitamins, etc. It's not something that was planned to happen and I wish it hadn't. Too late now. 

But, just because he is having a baby with her does not mean that he should be with her. They don't get along and fight all the time. That's no life for a baby. He did that with his ex and it wasn't fair to their daughter. He says he doesn't want to make the same mistake again. I also made that same mistake. He spent 6 years miserable and I spend 5 miserable. No need for him to do that again. 

I am absolutely the first

I am absolutely the first person to tell you to hang in there and give him a chance.  I believe in people and want them to be happy and healthy.  But there are so many huge problems here that I feel compelled to advise caution.  You said on other sites you got a lot of negative feedback, but I think that's what you're getting because people are worried about you.  

You only met in August, so that's just 3 months.  Way, way too soon to make any life decisions.  He has "bad" ADHD as you mention that is untreated.  Him symptoms will get worse, not better when the baby comes.  He is having a child with another woman.  He wants to live with you but not commit to you.  He cheated on you more than once already.  He basically stalked you after you asked him to leave.  You say you're happy with him, but none of this sounds happy.

I am not telling you to run.  I AM going to say be extremely careful.  If he does not seek treatment for his ADHD, things will get worse.  I've known my ADHD ex for almost 20 years.  As much as you want and hope for them to live an easier life, they can't without help.  They are not defective or bad, but they are functioning in a different way than you are that takes some extra work.  As much as you want to "pull him up" to a different level of functioning, he won't be able to do it without help, and the only way you'll be able to communicate is for to keep adjusting and working.  It can be exhausting.

A lot of what you describe also sounds like plain old immaturity to me.  You don't say how old you 2 are, but he does not sound ready to be a father or husband - certainly not mature enough to be husband to you and father to another woman's child.  That's a whole lot of complexity for an untreated ADHD brain.

I'm sorry I'm not more positive, I am just worried about you.  But only you can decide what is right for you.  If you want to stay than stay.  You'll know when you've had enough.

 

We have discussed him finding

We have discussed him finding other medication that works because the one he was on was not working. 

And I guess I worded it wrong. He didn't stalk me, as he never came to the house. He just didnt want me ignoring him, because in his own messed up way, he was still trying to hold on because he was confused. 

He is 27 and takes very good care of his daughter that he has now. We have her every weekend. We wants her every other week from Monday to Monday, but it's difficult because we live on the opposite side of the city then her mother and her school.He was with his ex for 6 years. He has said that he doesn't want to be with the woman that is pregnant right now just because she is having a baby. That doesn't work. If people don't get along and don't want to be together, they shouldn't be just for a baby. I have a 4 year old daughter and I stayed with her father just because of her and it was a terrible mistake. He did the same with his ex. It never works. Which is why I say he wants to follow his heart. There is no reason that he can not be with me just because he is having a baby with another. 

Yes, he is very immature, but he recognizes that and he does try very hard to be a good person. Anyone who knows him can see it. His biggest problem is that he doesn't like to hurt anyone and doesn't like to say no, so instead of leaving me for the other girl, he made a very bad decision and made it worse. He does recognize and has broken down in front of me more then once. I am wishing that I didn't jump back into it and would have let him deal with his other problems before I did, but it's too late now, I'm all in. 

Mom going to stay because I love him and believe in him. I know I may be setting myself up for heartache and failure, but I guess I have to learn the hard way. 

 

Well, to be honest, it isn't

Well, to be honest, it isn't that life isn't giving you a break, it's his horrid unacceptable behavior, bad choices and bat chit crazy people he brings into his life—and now yours— that is creating the problems. Sounds like to me you are both addicted to drama in a major way. I would be afraid of a guy that was stalking me, which is what he was doing to you and probably to all the other women in his life, too. Their behavior is never about how much they love you, it's always about their addictions and ocd, which comes hand in hand with ADHD it seems. Some people, like the guy I live/lived with, hoard random piles of junk, in his case tools of his trade. Sounds like the guy you are with is into hoarding women. Like the rest of us involved with a person with ADHD you seem to be co-dependent in a major freaking way. No way is there going to be multiple baby mama's and all that crazy crap in my life. Get yourself some councelling asap and put him and his problems on the road. Nothing is going to change. My biggest complaint is that the man in my life doesn't pay attention when I am talking to him and can't stop fixating on himself. Other than that he makes good money, works hard and has no crazy women in his life. That I know of. Of course he is 50 and fixed, so that age thing resolves some issues. Can't drive for chit though, the speeding tickets keep piling up.

this is stalking

"After he left, he wouldn't leave me alone, like he was obsessed with me and had to talk to me. I blocked his number, but he would screen his number so he could still call but not text. After a week and a half of this, I told him I would go for a drive to talk. We started hanging out every evening, while he was technically still with this other girl. We were just friends though. I understand him a bit and he feels comfortable talking to me."