ADHD Defensiveness with the Non ADHDers Feelings

I am the Non ADHD Spouse trying so very hard to to learn and understand ADHD.  I almost walked out of my marriage a month ago until a light bulb went on and I finally saw myself and the stuff I was doing wrong. I changed everything on my end and we have gotten along with things looking promising until last night.  My husband had his medication (Strattera) doubled along with his Anxiety medication.  He feels a lot better and I do as well since he is happier overall, easier to be around and I see him trying to be more attentive.  Here is my experience that is literally making me feel like I am going crazy. I am hoping that this is somewhat familiar to ADHD and others experiences or maybe I am dealing with something different. I have noticed this cycle when it comes to my husband and hearing my feelings around his Symptoms with ADHD. 

1- For almost 2 weeks once his meds doubled he seemed more attentive to me and even called out his symptoms as they happened giving me hope. He has listened and empathized with me sharing my feelings on other topics. When he listens he seems to zone out. I call him out on it and he says he is focusing. He will ask a question trying to be attentive and then I answer. Instead of seeking to understand my answer or diving deeper, which is what I want... he says " wow, ya i see that its hard... so what about this question" then he is off to another question. I feel like a checkoff list, the interaction between us feels fake, unauthentic as I watch him struggle to connect, engage with me. When I call this out to him and how it makes me feel, he immediately gets offended by me. He will say I hurt him, things were going so well until I mentioned that. He will turn it into now him being the victim and my feelings about his actions, symptoms are offensive. When I asked if we could talk about my feelings in counseling he said yes, but he is sick of hearing about my feelings..... Now this is the same guy who a week ago was kind, attentive , loving and seemed to see his side.  Now I went to bed again feeling unheard, unloved and no real emotional connection. 

2- I dont understand how one week he can be loving and kind and the next week come off uncaring, selfish, lacking empathy and no compassion. How does he not see the rollercoaster? Why is it that he is so defensive whenever I try and talk about his symptoms and how they make me feel? 

3- I am trying to figure out how to live happily in this marriage when I will be missing the emotional intimacy I have always desired. Is there hope for this in an ADHD relationship? My husband is extremely prideful and arrogant. I confused him as being and looking narcassitic. The difference being that I hear him apologize for himself more often than I hear him brag about himself. How is emotional intimacy established in a relationship like this one?  Does anyone else struggle with a partner who gets defensive and denies their ADHD behaviour and then accepts it a week later? 

4- I cant seem to break through this barrier that exists when speaking to him. It's like I am almost all the way connecting to him and then he goes surface, coming off polite and cordial like a work buddy. He can switch into loving, compassionate, sweet, but because he flops so much I am not sure what to believe in who he is. He comes off inauthentic to me often like he is performing. The times I see him the most authentic is when he talkes about his struggles and I go into counseling mode. The same cannot be said for me. If I do the same he will say I talk to much, He cant do this right now and I just need to be happy. He says he knows what a marriage and women need yet doesnt really seem to know how to have relationships.  Emotional intimacy and asking me questions to learn more about me, engaging in life together,,, all these things lack or are non existant for the most part. Does anyone have any positive alike experiences?