ADHD diagnosis aftermath for a “NON” spouse

In Melissa's articles I read that spouse being diagnosed with ADHD is going to provide insight and path to improving relationships. Basically, it is supposed to give HOPE. 
To me, it was just the opposite. When I found out about typical ADHD relationship dynamics ( matches ouurs to a T) it broke the last straw I was holding on to. Yes, it proved I'm not crazy and yes I felt validated. BUT, before I thought I can fix it. And now I know I can't. Because no matter what I do , things will not get better without him trying as well. My husband is in complete and utter denial, he refused to even read about his condition influencing our relationship. My request to read Melissa's article caused huge blowup and am scared to even mention anything around the topic.  Which means I'm left POWERLESS to improve things between us. Sounds like I should GO. But that in our case means I will have to leave the country and never see my children again. Which means I have nothing left to live for. You get the idea... OR I can stay.  And hope no more for my life to be anything, and live for kids. For as long as they need me. Second opinion sounds better, but still it crushes me because it would mean my marriage is a LIE. I CANNOT LIVE a LIE.  BUT I HAVE TO. Because the alternative is not living at all.