HI ..

im new in a long term relationship..and i many issues which i think are related to adhd.  he gets a second wind as it gets later..and seems to have trouble sleeping..talks impatient when has to wait  for anything....and when he is always yelling or honking at anyone who gets in our way.  i find it very embarassing..he says whatever to whoever also..i on the other hand am more reserved and dont like any kind of public scenes...and will avoid any confrontations ..whilst he has no problem with any of this.   the hyperactivity..the insomnia..the impatience..the easily frustrated...are they typical of ADHD?

i can see this is not easy to be on the other end of. it is exhausting.also..he needs alot of attention..and im already have a very demanding schedule. he seems oblivious to others needs or feeling sick or tired..and is more self centered....and its about him and what he wants when he wants it.

just wondering if anyone else here has dealt with any of these issues?!

im so tired..and he is still going... (but doing nothing much in getting things cleaned or accomplished...he watches lots of tv though! lol )and oh did i mention.he always has the tv on loud!

anyone relate?




I have lived your story for 10 years

I can relate to everything you are saying.  I experienced all the same things.  My husband was OK in the beginning but over time the ADD behaviors overtook him and the marriage.  Untreated it seems to get worse over time.  I feel loss and I am crushed but he had so many opportunities to get help and he chose not to.  I never felt having a good marriage was ever a priority for him.  It was all about him.  It had to be all about him.  I was out of work for a few months, I was paid 100% of my salary until I returned.  He complained to friends that I was "laying around at home when he was getting up and going to work every day." I was sick and he was resentful.  Like I was having a good time being home and being sick.  There was no compassion.  It was like I have to work so you should have to work.  Since I threw him out,  many friends and family have told me story after story of my husband bashing me behind my back.  This devastated me.  After we moved into our home he told my mother that he didn't want to be married anymore.  She never told me this.  In marriage counseling he insisted he loved me and did not want a divorce but his actions were that of a man who was no longer in love with his wife and was doing emotionally hurtful things to me.  My husband had ADD, OCD and Depression.  Our marriage finally ended when I discovered he was having an affair and I put him out of our home.  We are separated now and I am sure divorce is in my future.

mushtodo's picture

I have lived your story for 10 years

I'm fortunate that my marriage hasn't ended yet. It will be 30 years in November after we raised 4 children now in their 20's. I'm the mom. Hubby has been in your situation. I was ready in 1995 to split for the sake of my kids. I had no idea how angry I was making my husband. We've known something was right with me and only found the total diagnosis of ADHD (combined type), OCD, PTSD Neurobehavioral Disorder-alcohol exposed) just in March of this year of 2010. No one caught this medical condition. Sure I had a Learning Disability test done in 1995 but it was never called ADD/ADHD. But thank God now that we know. Both of us are very numb with our feelings. I think I've become a bit more depressed and waiting to talk more once my daughter goes back to Wales. I don't want her all stressed out about this. My husband and daughter have a very close relationship and in some ways that scared him as I can get jealous easily. He doesn't have many friends and neither do I.

My driving has started to get worse lately. So my frame of mind is set in going back to my driver's ed basic training I had in school. It was hands on learning. By the way, their are crazy drivers out their and some may say I am too and we all want to be safe on the road.

All these years I've been in a "cry for help" mode. No one sees it. It's an invisible disability with a visible behavior. I hate it but at the same time it makes me who I am. I've had to focus on all of the good qualities. But I've also dwelled on the negative and the positive sides of which is OCD and have run wild. I didn't no the cause and the effect I had on what I did. I guess I blessed to have a husband with the faith that we both have in our Christian Spirtuality to help us through all of this. Not many are so lucky and I'm so sorry you struggled so hard. We are still struggling just as hard. It isn't a quick fix because it's taken years for things to be this way and it will take some years to change things. That's my impatience part. I want it all now and done. Some happens quickly others not so quickly. We would have separated and probably divorced but neither of us wanted the embarrassment. We sought different answers. Our marriage closeness is not what it used to be (my OCD.) I so long for that. A medication called Concerta is promising so far and a big difference for a lot of people. I won't say which one for me out of respect for this site.  For us though we have hope to save our marriage. Some are just into their marriages and discovering about the ADHD. Get help early when it is found. You may find yourself working in this field and helping others with it. A career of helping those of us with ADHD. I want to share all I can to receive all the help I can and give it back. That is my purpose in life. Helping others as a man of long ago walked this earth and died for many of us. Take care my friend. Mushtodo.