Hello, everyone! I just discovered this web site today and already I am so relieved: I'm not alone in my experiences as a non-ADHD partner!!! I apologize if this topic has been covered elsewhere, I tried to find it first before posting. My question is this: what can be done with an ADHD partner who does not seem able to hold down a job?
My man was making good money as a sub-contractor in auto body repair when I'd met him. He lost a major contract early in our relationship and, for the first several years, I struggled to support us both as he went through long phases of unemployment speckled by short bursts of employment/underemployment. In the past couple years, he'd found a construction-related job which seemed to be satisfying to him and brought the type of income we required. The problem with this, it is seasonal work. The first winter he was laid off for several months and it was very difficult because I'd come to rely on the income he was bringing in. (We've lived together for about six years now.)
This past winter, he was laid off again, but applied for unemployment compensation - which was fine with me because I didn't care much what he did as long as our expenses were covered. The problem, though, is that he does not seem to be in any kind of hurry to find a job again. He claims that he has been on local companies' web sites and there is just nothing available in his desired field. I keep telling him to go and apply anyway, but it seems that he takes it so personally when he does not hear back from a place he has applied - as if a non-response is some type of horrible rejection.
He spends HOURS upon HOURS of the day playing computer games. He does do some cleaning and cooking around the house, so it's not like he's not contributing. But I know the unemployment will not last forever, and he does not seem at all concerned. He just has the attitude of certain jobs are "beneath" him. (He doesn't *say* that, but that is the attitude. I've suggested he get a different type of job in the interim while he looks to get one in his desired field - not interested.)
Does anyone have some suggestions? He gets very defensive when I try to talk to him about it, regardless of how calm and non-judgmental I try to approach it. I don't think he is lazy, because when he does have work he works very hard and it gives him a great sense of pride. I know he does not like filling out applications because he reads and writes slowly. He is very smart, but had a hard time in a small-town, small-minded school system. Any ideas?