I am at the end of my rope, and am not sure if my husband's behavior is related to his ADHD/Depression. Here is the story: My husband has a "good" day 10-25% of the time (one to three days a month). A good day is one where he can communicate without being defensive, where he is not depressed and so can fulfil plans, where he doesn't accuse me of trying to control him, etc. We have been in marriage counseling fo awhile, and I have come to realize that he might be incapable of learning these skills. That is, the days he is happy, he can see our interactions in a positive light; when he is depressed, he sees the same interactions negatively. When he is happy, he can hear me, discuss/apologize; these are impossible when he is depressed or feeling "off". I am curious if these behaviors are ADHD/Depression related, or just learned behaviors from childhood, or????
In the end, he is just unhappy too much of the time for me to want to stick around hoping things will get better. Which makes me feel like a bad person, but isn't life supposed to be fun at least half the time?!?!?
I can relate!
Submitted by Tweetiebird on
ADHD/Depression WOW what a challenge. I have the same issues. I agree it's tough when the person you're with is walking around like Eeyore all the time! We've gone through the same thing and my boyfriend usually has 2 or 3 days a week where he is capable of handling a relationship. I've found that he rambles or blames me for stuff if I interact with him. Usually if I leave him alone to mull over stuff in his head he is more willing to be gentle. Also just recently I've asked him to take some vitamins Ginseng with Ginko, Evening Primrose and an Omega 3 once a day. He's noticed that it helps his moods and also makes him more capable to deal with stressful situations. It's not a cure but it may help.
Has your husband been diagnoised with ADD and decided on any medication? From what I've read, antidepressants might help along with ADD medication?
And yes, if your husband has lived with ADD for most of his life his behaviours are a way to deal with it. My boyfriend is the same way and has often accused me of trying to change who he is! Oh boy, that got me crazy mad! I finally made a point to him that it's not him that need to be examined, it's his behaviour towards me. Silence after that...Hey everyone, ADDers and non-ADDers alike, need to be responsible for their own behaviour, we are afterall adults.
And life can be fun with an ADDer! There have been some hilarious ADD moments in our life and it's made for some hilarity. If you can keep it light and humourous life with ADD can be very funny! My boyfriend finds himself in the more hilarious of situations. One time he got so confused about an exit in a subway. After an hour of going up and down the platform, asking 3 people for directions and then realizing that he had been standing right at the end with the exit for the majority of the time was just what the doctor ordered! Honestly, I picture him as a cartoon of himself sometimes and if you can help your partner see the good and happiness he brings it may help him and you to get through some of these hurdles!
Hope this helps!