ADHD, eye-rolling, feeling "controlled"

I am at the end of my rope, and am not sure if my husband's behavior is related to his ADHD/Depression. Here is the story: My husband has a "good" day 10-25% of the time (one to three days a month). A good day is one where he can communicate without being defensive, where he is not depressed and so can fulfil plans, where he doesn't accuse me of trying to control him, etc. We have been in marriage counseling fo awhile, and I have come to realize that he might be incapable of learning these skills. That is, the days he is happy, he can see our interactions in a positive light; when he is depressed, he sees the same interactions negatively. When he is happy, he can hear me, discuss/apologize; these are impossible when he is depressed or feeling "off". I am curious if these behaviors are ADHD/Depression related, or just learned behaviors from childhood, or????

In the end, he is just unhappy too much of the time for me to want to stick around hoping things will get better. Which makes me feel like a bad person, but isn't life supposed to be fun at least half the time?!?!?