ADHD- In House Separation - Serious Health DX Now what!

It has been 3 years since finding this site. It has helped me so much...I need to "talk" recent events out here now.Been married for 45 years. (Me 65 H  67)Took marriage course alone. Tried to get ADHD  H  to participate with saved sessions. H sluffed thru 2 of them but claims he did all. I have worked on me really hard.  got Bipolar 2 dx, lost 80 lbs, exercise, hobbies, quit the nagging, got it together. Things were great for a while despite H refusal to accept ADHD & even basic treatments. Says he is stubborn, doesn't want to and its too hard.. Recently we both regressed. I am introvert and have not gone to several functions due to my intense panic attacks . He is extra extrovert. He is PO at me about this. But won't discuss my side of it and be  empathetic nor work with me to brainstorm ideas to combat this.. I nagged him about typical stuff house, trash mess... So H stepped up workaholic during day and stayed in office at nite-not coming home. I suspect at least another emotional affair. H has no empathy and avoids all discussions about our problems. I fail to try as well. I moved upstairs (we have a very large house) and now over 1 month of in house separation. I love my house, garden etc. I pressed him and we agreed- him down me upstairs. Since moving upstairs my stress, anxiety, sleep habits have all improved. Brighter environment now without H mess to look at. I think I am covering up my feelings with playing house. But I am taking care of me. I need him financially. His business thriving knock on wood! H says NOW he has many freedoms he did not have. When asked he cannot give any examples. says" I can't think of any right now but I know there are many''.  (I think to myself-you have been doing what you want) I believe he is also passive aggressive. I stay calm and ask & answer in ways that force him to take responsibility for his statements. H avoids that- says I am twisting his words.Then goes away for 5 days on "business" . Upon return calls me to say he came back with "stomach pull" (tells my son from dancing.) I figure mother natures works in interesting ways.He goes to hospital. Also has shortness of breath, he claims from pain.He comes back home I have to ask 3 times via text message how he made out at hospital. Finally he tells me via phone. He is sitting downstairs. I go down and ask questions -same ones several times to get what's going on.They did test..has small clot on lung. I remain calm. Also he has rash from topical muscle stuff-ER doc says shingles. H disagrees says burn from topical stuff. Finally, my point and question  of why i am on this website today.  What do I do?He DOES NOT tell our 3 adult sons(all mid 30's) about clot dx. I do tell them separately elsewhere.. Sons say that they will wait to see if he tells them. We all realize this is serious. We are all meeting later tonite to discuss further. Thinking of medical intervention style meeting. H is supposed to make appt with regular dr on Monday. I just heard H on phone with his older brother, he harps on about argument he had with ER Doc about shingles vs skin burn. IS chatty about our in house separation. Brother is way too casual in tone so I know he does not know.  DO I grow a backbone and confront H about his silence.DO I threaten to tell sons and bro and then do it?  DO I tell him sons know. DO I call up older brother and set him straight...nicely. I have 1 close friend and 1 sis in law, I have talked to. Both say it is H responsibility to tell them, his bro and make appt and go for follow up. This is very very serious. H has blood thinners and is taking them. My psychiatrist has moved out of state. I have been searching interviewing new ones and have appt this week with new one.  Yes I know asking for advice from strangers on this website.. I don't know what else to do. Please comment.