ADHD Hubby Cannot Listen

Mostly, my ADHD hubby is a great guy.  Wonderful father, helps around the house, smart, funny, loving.

I have one major complaint.  In two parts.

First, he accuses me of things I did not do or say.  He will not allow me to explain, or accept any other possibility other than that I did, in fact, do or say those things whether I meant to or not.  He is totally twisting my words; I have even gone back to other people participating in the conversation to see if I gave the impression he said I did and they did not read it that way at all.  I get blamed for his impulsive distortions.  

Second, he decides how something happened, decides what I think, decides what I feel, and will not accept any other possible version of the story from me.  

I acknowledge that I am imperfect.  I'm very mildly autistic and have multiple anxiety disorders and PTSD.  I screw things up and distort things too.  For years, I have accepted that these problems are entirely my fault and done everything I can to change them, to limited avail.

My therapist, who has talked with both of us, also says it is not entirely my fault.  

It has reached the point that I would like to die in order to escape the conflict.  We have four children and I have been a SAHM for 15 years.  I have no family for support--  my parents are deceased, my grandmother is frail, and my extended family has huge issues with drug abuse and entitlement.  For those reasons, and the fact that I love him and would only regret it later, and the fact that I take my vows seriously, and the fact that I do not wish to subject him, myself, or our children to divorce, divorce is not an option.

I have no desire to be right about everything, or get my way all the time, or win every argument.  Life doesn't work that way.  I just want him to acknowledge and consider my point of view with an open mind to the fact that I could be right sometimes, and consider that he is also human and capable of misconstruing things that were in no way an insult.