Mostly, my ADHD hubby is a great guy. Wonderful father, helps around the house, smart, funny, loving.
I have one major complaint. In two parts.
First, he accuses me of things I did not do or say. He will not allow me to explain, or accept any other possibility other than that I did, in fact, do or say those things whether I meant to or not. He is totally twisting my words; I have even gone back to other people participating in the conversation to see if I gave the impression he said I did and they did not read it that way at all. I get blamed for his impulsive distortions.
Second, he decides how something happened, decides what I think, decides what I feel, and will not accept any other possible version of the story from me.
I acknowledge that I am imperfect. I'm very mildly autistic and have multiple anxiety disorders and PTSD. I screw things up and distort things too. For years, I have accepted that these problems are entirely my fault and done everything I can to change them, to limited avail.
My therapist, who has talked with both of us, also says it is not entirely my fault.
It has reached the point that I would like to die in order to escape the conflict. We have four children and I have been a SAHM for 15 years. I have no family for support-- my parents are deceased, my grandmother is frail, and my extended family has huge issues with drug abuse and entitlement. For those reasons, and the fact that I love him and would only regret it later, and the fact that I take my vows seriously, and the fact that I do not wish to subject him, myself, or our children to divorce, divorce is not an option.
I have no desire to be right about everything, or get my way all the time, or win every argument. Life doesn't work that way. I just want him to acknowledge and consider my point of view with an open mind to the fact that I could be right sometimes, and consider that he is also human and capable of misconstruing things that were in no way an insult.
Submitted by c ur self on
It's projecting...When you live with someone with issues as you both do, it can become a contest....A contest without a winner...Try backing away from engaging him....I know it's hard to not defend yourself verbally (Boy do I know!) but, when he starts down that road of trying to tell you what your thinking or feeling, just walk away.
Sadly a lot of what is spoken between us during these times your talking about is very unhealthy and dysfunctional and will always lead to conflict most every time...Also based on what you said here. He is over powering you and not allowing you to speak anyway...Your post is written very well; You might write him an email instead of attempting verbal replys....He can't interrupt and over power the email...
Just focus on not being drawn into this type communication, it's disrespectful and destructive....