ADHD husband with 2 teenage kids

Looking for thoughtful advice on how I can manage, without anger, the fact that my ADHD (AA overlay) husband and his ex wife and 2 teenage kids refuse to follow any schedule when the kids will be at our house, and the entire situation is driven on a whim by all of them, all the time.   I asked him for 24 hr. notice earlier this year so we can make them beds, have enough food in the house (I stopped going out of my way early on when no one appreciated it and half the time the plans changed) - huge fight.   Concerned about his lack of work (self employed, works from home) and distractibility.  He went on meds last fall, much better on not having conversations that spin in circles.  He likes to argue, no question.  Logical things seem to never occur to him.   It started to feel overwhelming and hopeless to me, until I started reading about the effects of ADHD on marriage and see it all over my marriage of 2 years to him... I only want peace and happiness.   I accused him today of seeking out chaos, liking things unpredictable.  He calls me names, says I interrupt him all the time, says I don't let him "be heard."   I just shut down.   Anyone who is dealing with 2nd marriages, these issues and custody/ schedule issues, your ideas appreciated.