Does anybody else have this problem? My husband (of almost 20 years) and I separated for all the ADHD reasons you see on this Forum. He hasn't had a steady job in years, he's says nobody's hiring, he's renting a place that his parents are paying for, and works at his parents' house on construction projects to earn what little money he has. We have two children. I work full time, but it isn't enough money. Recently I decided to look into a part time job nights and weekends since we've been falling behind on bills for about a year. (Also, he has given me only $200.00 in the last 6 months to cover things like his phone bill, his car insurance, credit card payments, mortgage, taxes, kids' medication, health insurance, etc...). Anyway, I applied to a few local retail businesses. I was offered two jobs, and accepted one of them. My friends and family all wonder how I can possibly do this when I have such little free time as it is, and the first thing they ask me is why my husband doesn't get a job to help out. I can't really answer that, but I tell them that I have no choice, and that I don't want to lose my house. We just lost our health insurance this week. When I went to see his parents I told them I got hired for a part time job and they both started clapping like it was really good news. I was horrified, and since then I have looked back over the years at how enabling they have been with their son, my 40+ year old husband, giving him money, "hiring" him, not allowing him to be responsible and support his children. I mean, I know they were all intertwined, but just now realize how their helping has actually been very detrimental to him. Today I went to the courthouse and filed the divorce papers that have been sitting on my desk for a month. His attitudes of not being responsible are so deeply ingrained, I can't possibly expect any change, nor do I want it at this point. Non-ADHD-Spouses...don't waste another minute of your life! If you really don't see things ever getting better, I mean really, get out of it and enjoy the rest of life. We deserve it. And oh, did I mention, my husband is an attorney?
ADHD Husband and his Co-Dependent Parents
Submitted by AlisonK on 03/04/2010.
My husband is the same way
Submitted by Sueann on
When I started dating my husband, he was over 40 and living with his mother. I asked if he'd ever lived on his own and he said yes. Now anybody can lose a job and need help from their parents, so I understood that. After we were married, I found out his idea of living on his own was living in his mom's paid-for house while she was working in another city 50 miles away and stayed in an apartment there during the week.
His mother did not want him to leave home. He's the youngest and his brothers are married. She needed him to stay at home and contribute to a joint account with her so she could keep the large house all the brothers grew up in, instead of getting a small condo she could afford herself.
Soon after we got married, he started doing his job in an inappropriate and very ADD way. When he got fired, he expected me to support him, and that went on for 3 years. I'm 8 years older than him, and I guess he cast me as "mother."
Since your husband is an attorney, he does not need to be "hired." He can be self-employed. His parents are enabling him. I'm sorry there was no way to wake him up.
Co-dependent parents
Submitted by NOVA1986 on
This is one of the problems with my husband ability to overcome his challenges with ADD. I know he wants to be independent, but I know he also has a very poor idea of how to use the money. He is about to be unemployed but he is thinking to move in an apartment, using the tax-return money. Last time he wanted to talk about it I told him I do not want to be part of that decision. We have about $80,000.oo in debt. He spent around 500 dollars monthly in medicine, and he is thinking to expend about 800.00 dollars to leave alone, to prove him self he can change: lose weight, do exercise, be on time at work, etc. We have one year using just one car so I drive him to the train station to to go to work, and everything was working just fine. But his parents are traveling now, so my husband decided to take one of their cars to drive to work. Well he had to cancel 3 times the morning class because he didn't wake up on time. Since we married in 1992 his parents had being helping financially, I can guess we owned them around 50,000.00 and maybe I'm short in my calculations. It is really a shame. They do not let him grow. He haven't develop the common sense of managing time, money, talent, career, etc. This is so frustrating because my husband is very bright and talented. He can not see very clear between right and wrong, between good or bad, it is like beside ADD he also has autism.