A little background: My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but was never treated or medicated. He finally went to a counselor and got on Adderall earlier this week, but I am already at a breaking point. He took the Adderall for 3 days, said it was making him nervous and stopped taking it. He now got Concerta called into the pharmacy, but it requires pre-authorization through our insurance so he won't have it until next week some time. Over the course of our 8 year relationship, married for 5, he has been selfish, mean, verbally abusive, stayed out all night partying after our daughter was born, etc. He has come a long way, but now he constantly argues with me and then says "you started it" like a 5 year old.
I am the type of person who gets anxiety. I hate conflict and avoid it at all costs. How did I end up with a spouse who argues with me over everything?! Here is an example of a ridiculous argument: I work part-time evenings and all day Saturday. I am at work and when I talked to my husband on the phone this morning I told him a friend had bought the kids McDonald's for lunch yesterday and please don't feed them fast food for lunch today. He likes to get them Happy Meals on his Saturdays with them, but we limit the amount of fast food they eat to once every other week or so. This is something we agreed on together, not something I suggested or mandated. So when I asked him to not feed them McD's for lunch, he freaked out. He said I am taking away his special "daddy day" and it's not fair to him. He said I shouldn't tell him what to do. He said he only gets this one day all day with them and I am ruining it. I have learned over the years to not even bother to argue with him so I just said I'm going to get off the phone now. He called back a half hour later and apologized for yelling at me, but then proceeded to tell me why I made him yell and what I did wrong. In what I thought was a normal tone of voice said go ahead and feed them whatever you want, it's not that big of a deal and then he got angry AGAIN! He told me I don't understand anything and I never get the point and then hung up on me. This is a typical argument over NOTHING! This happens every single day of my life. Everything is my fault, I don't say things right, I made a weird face, I dont' know how to talk to people, I picked the wrong time to talk about something, I'm stupid. He'll even tell the kids "mommy is stupid" sometimes. I am calm, I do not yell and I do not let him rile me up anymore, I haven't in a long time. But it's always all my fault. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I am walking on eggshells and even when I think I said something completely benign and ordinary, I get accused or attacked. I just had to get this out. Sometimes I think I'm the one going crazy or I start to believe that maybe I really don't know how to talk to people. Does anyone else deal with this? Is there a way to resolve it, or am I destined to eventually say enough is enough and get divorced?