ADHD husband "can't " help.. at all. Ever.

I am married for over 30 years.  About 8 years ago.. he found he has a good bit of ADHD .. now gets meds and sees a doc as a coach.

BUT.. his actions do not show that he is trying to help the marriage.

He is likely going bankrupt...he won't tell me enough about our money for me to know what is real and what he is just saying to scare me . 

An example of money problems.( He is self employed and has always done well for us)  Recently he got a $10,000 refund from a job.  He paid some bills but did not give me any $$ for the house.  Which is falling apart slowly.  Instead he gave our daughter and son in law ( who are broke but not starving and not spending money they don't have) $750 .  I was so livid and then so hurt.  The house could have used so much work.. new garage door, new gutters,., tree work, stuff I can't do alone... he has no time or interest in doing yard work or work on the house. 

Since he is ADHD,  he looses interest and moves on.... and wont go back to finish anything he starts.

He walks around saying to business people who are in the energy conservation business... how "Green" he is.. recycles etc.  Well.. the truth is he never turns off a light and drives the worst old cars.. that is a different story. 
I asked him how he could do that..say how green he is and he said.. well I just get distracted.. you should remind me.  Remind me to brush my teeth and wash my face when I go to bed and to turn off the lights when they should be off.

I  am OUTRAGED that he wants me to be the grown up and walk around reminding him about this stuff!  He does NOT take care of me.. I get no help, no support in what I do ( sadly I am not employed or I would move right out but at 66  there is very little work for me in the world.)

He never makes plans for going out together.. he watches NCIS reruns and drinks every single night.  He is in bed by 9 pm every night. 
He works at home.. in the living room .. since he has hoarded so much junk that the basement is filled with his stuff.

He wants three meals a day and wants to know where I go when I go out to visit friends or volunteer at school.   I am so unhappy and so angry.

I don't see any help for us.  

Any tips would be a big help... thank you!

smilesalot


 

I'm So Exhausted's picture

I understand completely

smilesalot,

I can really see what you are saying.   I am asking myself why I was in so much denial that I was a whirling dervish trying to make our house and family a happy home.  My husband is self employed.  We are broke.  In debt.  And I have cracked under the strain - I created for myself = of painting us as the family I really thought we could be. 

It was a fairy tail.