I read something the other day that I found troubling. What I read suggested that ADHD hyper-focus can make a person confuse the kind of euphoria associated with an illicit, drug-induced high with genuine feelings of love for another person at the beginning of a relationship.
The context in which I read this made me think this would be undesirable for that to happen if an ADHD person ended up with the "wrong person," as in, someone who maybe is abusive, an ex-con, or a serial cheater...situations representing real sources of relationship incompatibility.
Is it at all possible that when the hyper-focus period ends, shortly after getting married and returning from a honeymoon, that a person with ADHD could all of a sudden look at her partner, and all of a sudden see a person in front of her who is not who she thought he was at all, and basically be like, "Oh my God...what have I done?"
I guess the reason I am asking is because I thought one reason why my estranged wife chose me as a partner/husband is because I am attractive, educated, well-employed, earn a good income, own a home, and exhibit discipline in the way I keep up with my belongings and stay in shape. In many ways, I am like her father, but perhaps not as sociable, and not as likely to spend money entertaining himself (I'm more frugal).
But my wife, who left me after nine months of marriage three-plus months ago, and has had virtually no contact with me during our separation, did mention in some of the limited communication we've had with one another that she missed red-flags about our incompatibility during our courtship. When my wife mentioned that, I felt like she was reacting to my angry and resentful behavior toward her because she seemed to be losing interest in me, our marriage, and seemed unwilling to really be a partner and help me with managing our household. But, when my wife mentioned the red flags and incompatibility, I felt like she was referencing the relative lack of novelty in my approach to life because I have routines/schedules to which I adhere to be productive. I like to have fun, but work always come first.
So, when my wife and I were dating, is it possible she was so keyed-up about meeting me, and the novelty of our new relationship, that truly, she never really loved me...that she never really "saw" the real me? I mean, was I basically a drug-induced high to her for the first two years I knew her, prior to getting married?
I hope not. I would be destroyed if true, genuine feelings of love did not form the basis for our relationship and subsequent marriage. I would be totally destroyed. I hope love is always underneath the hyper-focus!
Is hyper-focus rooted in genuine love?