ADHD & Klinefelter married to OCD spouse

This is my first time telling the truth in a forum or even saying it out loud to anyone other than my wife. It might be too late since I think my marriage is over - my wife seems anxious to label me as irrevocably selfish and emotionally disconnected and is thinking of it as an escape. I knew about ADD but thought if it as something to do with my trouble focusing - just need to work hard at my will power was my solution.  I have taken depression medication and for some time now was thinking maybe my mood shifts are because I am bipolar when a chance search  today took me to a TED talk by a lady who runs a YouTube channel "How to ADHD". Everything she says in her channel made sense to me and redirected me here. I am not diagnosed, not sure where I will find an English speaking counselor who can help me - but all the symptoms listed seems to match my struggles. 

I don't know whether my marriage can be fixed but I do not want my wife to walk away and tell my daughter your Dad is disinterested, selfish and an emotional pauper.  Covid has accelerated our problems making it, difficult (for me)to push under the carpet and also given me a lifeline of six months till a vaccine comes.  What struck me was Melissa's description of how the non ADHD partner looks at things - which is exactly my wife's view of her life - while I have been thinking she is an insufferable nag.  After 15 years of marriage she is now on medication for anxiety and clinical depression and looks at me as the primary trigger for her anxiety.. I oscillate between thinking let her escape and have a life and worrying about our daughter who is extremely attached to me.  I am awake at 3.40 am writing this as my brain is on supermoto mode and won't shut down for me to sleep