I met this amazing guy on a online dating app and we have been together for 4 months now. He's from the US and I am from the Philippines. He was very sweet to me at courtship (staying up late for me and drawing me things). I was about to graduate from university and he was to graduate from high school by the time we got together (we were both 19, me being 3 months older, but since we have a different school system here, 19 is a normal age to finish studies). I started to notice that he's becoming less attentive and affectionate to me and we had our first fight on the month of June. It was a few days before his graduation and a week before our 3rd month anniversary. I was PMS-ing that time and I was pissed off that he's not replying to me instantly because he lost his phone. That made me even angrier as why can someone just lose his phone. A few hours later, I just received a chat from him that he almost got into an accident as he frantically tries to reply knowing I am mad. He told me that to leave him alone.forward We reconciled after 2 days. I thought this was a normal bf-gf fight so I let it be.
Fast forward to the day before our 3rd month, he confessed that he have ADHD (I was his 3rd gf and was the only one he had the courage to admit it). I was crushed. We were on a videocall by then, I was crying and I can see him wiping his eyes. He told me he kept it a secret as he does not want it to be an anchor in our relationship. That night, I read some medical overviews on ADHD. I was a little enlightened and thought I can handle myself well better. I made a gift for him with the acrostic "to my Artsy Dashing Hard-to-Find Dearest boyfriend". He was touched and we just had one of the most quiet yet heart-touching videocall the next day. Everything was going smoothly and even though I still feel insecure sometimes of other's relationships, I managed to calm myself. He tells me that he loves me through thick and thin and that he would fight for me. One day, he even told me he might even come see me soon since he has money as he is working right now anyway. He starts to have longer shifts in his work and though I miss him terribly most of the time, I rarely bothered him since he said he's going to see me anyway and we could just make time by then. A few weeks later, I asked him if he is indeed coming, he replied "Pretty sure". A few weeks more, it was decreased to a 50/50 chance. I was upset but held it in inside me. Just 2 days ago, I was again making comments on his efforts (though he did improve, he drops me sweet message before he leaves for work) and he was hurt. It was a pretty calm conversation as opposed to before when we talked about it. But then he suddenly said "Maybe I shouldn't spoil you too much", and I was flabbergasted. I never feel spoiled at all. He then added that I am "very spoiled" since he talks to me in his free time. I felt insulted and hurt and that triggered me to get mad at every issue that we have even before. The next day he said sorry and that he loves and he doesn't want us to fight and agreed to talk to me after his work. Unfortunately *face palm*, my mom and I had to leave by the time he got off work so i could not make up to our supposed talk. I just sent him another long message and told him that "he needs to do a big move". He just replied "I need time to think". I asked him if he loves me, he said "Yes". It's been 2 days now since he replied to me. I still dropped him some small messages just to make him feel I care as I can see that I hurt him too and I don't want him to give up on us.
Some added info on our relationship:
- We are not legal to his family (says they might not take well the idea of an online relationship) but he promises that he will tell them
- If he ever come visit me here, he will also tell his family about us
- The 2 mentioned above, since his 50/50 chance was laid out in front of me, of course upset me to a great deal
- The "BIG MOVE" I mentioned to him was it doesn't make any difference to his folk's opinion if tells his family now or 10 years from now and I madly stated that why don't fight for me now since he said he will fight for me even if his family disapproves of us
- I was not sensitive enough to his needs and, sometimes I forget to say "Thank you" for his little efforts
- He would sometime ask "Am I not good enough?" or "I don't meet your expectations"
I am deeply in love with this guy. Though he might not send me flowers, he stays up for me when I am crying at night. Draws me pictures, tells me I am the best thing that ever came into his life, wants to wake up in the morning with me beside him. etc. I do feel neglected (and based on what I have read while I am crying my eyes out the past 2 days, it was classic feeling of the non-ADHD partner) and sometimes I react to pain I hide in a drastic way. I also have some trust issues as I have been let down before and I do not really have the best family story so I am very in tune with my emotions. But not to others especially to my loved ones. While I do read before about the basic medical infos on ADHD, I have not read before any first-hand experiences from both the ADHD and non-ADHD halves of a relationship. I wish I could've done that sooner. I could've been more careful with my words. I miss him. I hope he comes back and starts fresh with me. We haven't really give this relationship a shot just yet since it's been only a month since the revelation of ADHD.
I need advice and positivity <3 Thank you in advance :)