ADHD marrige vs Non-ADHD marrige

I have been married 20 years to my ADHD husband and I had no idea our struggles were due to ADHD! I just thought he was selfish and inattentive.. I just didn't know enough to know they were different types... I recognize us in every single ADHD section of the book... I went through all emotions reading the book, but mostly relived since I have dealt with constant scrutiny that there is something wrong with me and was considering taking anxiety medication in order to stay married.... Sure I have turned into that nagging, untrusting wife .. always reminding and following up on every aspect of our life, kids, finances etc because 80% of the time they doesn't get done unless I do them myself. I'm not exaggerating when I say It takes at least 7 reminders for him to get anything that needs to get done.. so I have learnt not to rely on him and just handle them.

My husband does not think this is ADHD and he thinks every marriage has the same issues..  procrastination.. money issues, attention issues, fighting about chores, and taking care of everything for the kids etc.. He thinks I'm just too efficient and type A and he is a relaxed guy and that is all there is.. He does admit he had a lot of troubles focusing in school and does hyper focus on some things (playing video games, watching Netflix, etc till 2 am when he needs to be at work the next day ..but he thinks this is how everyone else lives and I need to relax..

My 16 year old son was just diagnosed with ADHD and while I was filling out the questionnaires for him I realized my husband has every sign symptom listed to the highest degree and I picked up this book to read which reaffirmed everything we have been going through..

So my question is.. do you think most marriage struggles with what is the book regardless of a partner having ADHD?