I"m engaged to a mostly awesome lady who was diagnosed with ADHD 15 years ago. She's now 32. I'm her non-adhd partner. I do love her dearly.
We're in the middle of buying a new home, and in the meantime to save on rent and not get stuck with a lease, we've been staying at an extended stay motel during the week, and with my family on the weekends. It's been this way for a couple months. It's pretty stressful at times, no doubt, to keep skipping around and living on a crappy, low budget diet.
Anyway, she just got a new job as a bank teller at the beginning of last week. She likes it, likes the people she's working with, etc. Only bad thing is, according to her, being social and working under flourescent lighting is exhausting to her. I can see that, and try to understand it, but here's where the in-laws and anti social part comes in.
Over the weekend, while at my families place, she went out of her way to avoid all social contact with everyone (at least 6 people - Dad, Grandparents, Sister, etc) but me. Basically hid in the tent (we've been camping) the entire time. I tried my best to not pick at her and nag her, but it just made things worse. The best answer I got for being antisocial is "I'm tired, not feeling well, need to recharge batteries." This was for 3 days straight.
It's very strange to my family that someone would come to their home and not join in on family dinners, say anything, and hide from them the entire time. I can understand being overtired. I can understand wanting to be away from people. But is it really that hard to join in on a home cooked meal, maybe come in and chat for 10 minutes, make nice with the future in-laws? I've gotten 3 phone calls today from different family members being a little upset over her inaction.
I'm kinda stuck in the middle here, now. I really want to support her and understand her, but I'm having a hard time believing it's that hard to make an appearance or two over a three day span.
My main questions are...
1. Have any of you experienced an exhaustion so heavy that you can't bear the sight of other people?
2. What do I tell my family? I'm a little paranoid about saying she has ADHD. They are backwoods country folk who don't get out much. ADHD sounds like a horrible disease to them. They are good people, though.
3. How can both of us avoid something like this in the future? Some sort of middle ground would be nice, but she wouldn't budge, no matter how hard I tried to get her out of the tent for a few minutes.
I really, really want to understand her explanation, but am having a hard time doing so. Hoping some other folks could help.