Is this ADHD? Or am I crazy?

Things between my husband (who was diagnosed with severe ADHD) have gotten completely out of control over the last few years. Even before we discovered his diagnosis I got this sense he was PURPOSEFULLY provoking me until I completely lost my temper. First off, I own every wrong choice and reaction I've ever had. I don't blame him for them, I am my own responsibility. But before him I was much more laid back, quiet, and patient. Now I am constantly on the verge of tears, in extreme anxiety (I'm on anti-depressants and anxiety medications) just waiting for him to "flip" from the guy I love to the one who seems hell-bent on hurting me emotionally past my breaking point. Because it's only THEN will he back off and go back to the loving guy I married.

He had a mother who was an alcoholic and neglectful of him. She was very volatile, and her and his dad would have extreme fights and arguments. My feeling is he is purposefully (without even thinking about it) pushing me to the point where I act more like his crazy mother did. I read a lot about people who try to re-create their parents marriage and/or childhoods, even if it was awful, out of familiarity and comfort. I started wondering about this because he seems almost gleeful when I do finally snap. Like something had been achieved. 

There is much more to my story, but I just wanted to ask if purposefully provoking their partner is an ADHD related thing, or if it could be something else. I have been with him 13 years, and I'm 99.9% certain I am correct that he is provoking me past my breaking point on purpose, be it intentional or not (though again, I am not pinning him with blame for my angry choices, I just want to know why this is happening).

Thank you for reading!