Sunday afternoon H was making soup. He was in a great mood. He had cooked down a pork roast in a pan and then put it in the pot with some stock. He then went and took a shower because we were expecting guests. Well I see dirty dishes in the sink and put them in the dishwasher. I see the pan he used to cook the roast sitting on the stove so I wash that too. Big mistake! He comes out of the shower and sees that I washed the pan and gets mad saying "WHY did you wash the pan? I use that to cook the vegetables because it gives them a good flavor. You did this last time too! Would you at least ASK next time?! I guess I'll figure out something else to do then." The proceeded to stomp around the house. Chill the f**k out! I washed a pan because it was dirty. You didn't tell me to leave it and you know how I like to have things clean. The vegetables will be fine cooked on their own. Jeez, all this over a dirty pan. Then about 2 minutes after his outburst our friends stopped by and he turned on the charm. Calling me Sweetie and telling me how much he loved me in front of them. I just about said "Well you should have seen him right before you came. He was really upset with me." I HATE that he puts on this damn act in front of others. Then when they left he didn't talk to me for a bit and then came in all lovey dovey. Then last night I was once again cleaning up his mess. He made biscuits which stuck to the pan. I sprayed hot water on the pan and then started scraping off the biscuit residue. Well that was enough to have him leave his precious video game in the other room and come out all agitated telling me "STOP scraping that pan! You scrape off the coating and that's why things stick. Just let it soak!" I get irritated because he's not telling me in a calm, nice way, he's all agitated about the damn pan! I say to him "Well I guess I'll just have to buy you a bunch of new pans then since I mess all of them up". He rolls his eyes and goes "Or you could just not scrape them". I put the pan in the sink, turned off the tv, and went to bed and read. It was only 8:15 and I was in a good mood before this whole thing but once again, he goes and does his thing and upsets me. He then tried to be all lovey again. He KNOWS he upsets me but will never say "I'm sorry", only try to act like it never happened. Then he didn't come to bed until after 2AM because he was so busy with his video game and I knew at that point he wasn't going to go to work the next day because poor baby would have been too tired to work! I don't think he's going to work today either because he just wants to sit home and play his video game 24 hrs a day! But he doesn't care because he is SO sure that he is going to get this other job as a sales rep in the state and the ONLY one for this company.He just heard about it from a friend last week who asked him to send his resume to him so he could give it to his boss. The guy hasn't even said anything about whether the resume went to this guy but H is already talking about how he's got the job and he'll be traveling all over the state and is already telling others that if he does this then he'll be the only one in WA and then if they add more, he'll manage them and it just goes on and on about how he'll damn near own the entire company in a few years. I'm kind of hoping he never hears back from anyone so that he comes back down to earth!
Is this ADHD or just quick to anger issue?
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 12/21/2016.
As for the pan issue....maybe
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
As for the pan issue....maybe have an agreement....if something is in the sink, it can be washed. It it's on the stove, then it's needed for another step.
As for stuck on foods, there's a version of Dawn that you use to soak a pan for several minutes and it loosens the stuck on foods.
Sounds like you're both locked into a power struggle.
This is something I have a problem with.
Submitted by DependentOrigination on
And as far as I know, I don't have ADHD (although I have a brother with ADHD, and a daughter who is in the process of being diagnosed, so ... who knows).
Anyhow, fair is fair, and this is something I struggle with more than my husband who most definitely has ADHD. I have a problem with being reactive, with lashing out when I am hurt, with getting frustrated if someone is messing with my shit.
This could have been a scene from my own life, with me, in the kitchen (although, I love it when someone does my dishes) and someone has messed with my zen. To me, cooking is the manifestation of all the algorithms in my brain. I prep, I plan, so that everything comes out hot or cold (as desired) on a beautifully set table as the guests arrive to eat.
I do better with my anger issues when I feel loved, safe and less stressed. But the anger is my own, mine, to deal with, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. I have been this way since childhood.
I don't know what to do about it except manage my stress, and confess my sins after I have unleashed the fury. I can't apologize fast enough. But I can't take it back. Amazingly, I still have a child and a husband who love me, who somehow see all the good despite seconds of unforgivable behaviour.
Ask your husband about it, maybe he has an idea, maybe he has some insight that might help me. I do apologize though, but I don't have ADHD and a history of being constantly corrected, and then rejected.
As for the second part, the magical thinking, I feel your pain. Seriously, FEEL YOUR PAIN! My husband actually pulls it all off, most of the time. Stays gainfully employed, despite some fairly high risk behaviours. Makes 50000 dollars more a year than me. Unbelievable.