My partner is 22 and I am 25. We have a daughter together and she is 7 months old. He has an ADHD diagnosis and I have high functioning Aspergers, although really I am the only adult in the house and I run around all day micro managing everything and I am the only one with any sense of urgency. He is terrible with money, time keeping, turning up for important things, keeping a routine you name it. He claims disability living allowance and I act as his carer but I think that with my support he is capable of finding and holding down a job and he's not doing anything worthwhile with his time apart from staying in bed and gaming. He has no idea how to budget and if he wants something he has to have it whether we have the money or not unless I am willing to have an all out row with him. We are on a tight budget because neither of us work, I have to be home to care for the house and our daughter otherwise everything would fall to pieces. Our daughter is also still breastfed and needs me throughout the day. My partner has drawn up huge debts with the catolougues and I am gradually paying it off with the money we get. We have little for food but I manage to do shopping. I cannot take my partner shopping with me otherwise he fills the trolley up with pointless items like huge bottles of coca cola, walker's crisps and Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream at it's full price when we cannot afford these things. He is a brand snob and does not choose proper food. There is then a row in the supermarket and I end up feeling immensly stressed out. He has no sense of urgency. He has an unplanned overdraft with the bank right now and he will not negotiate with them or threaten to switch to another bank. Another thing is he's very trusting of all authourity figures. He thinks that the bank is there to help him and it's his friend. He thinks the same of all corporations that are only out to exploit people. There is no telling him otherwise. He develops brand and company loyality and he we get ripped off and screwed over all the time. He's with Lloyd's tsb and they are the worst in the UK. We have been in debt triangles with them forever because he ends up like £5 overdrawn for 3 weeks and ends up with huge charges. This doesn't happen with my bank but he won't listen. He never takes anything I say seriously and he is full of bad decisions. These bad decisions do not only effect him but me and our daughter too. He was supposed to go to a training course with a guarenteed security job at the end but he didn't turn up because he had been up all night playing call of duty. I tried to drag him out of bed and there was a huge row. I am so stressed right now I am losing sleep every night and I am exhausted and burnt out all the time. Please don't critisise me, I critisise myself enough as it is. I don't need other people telling me what I already know is wrong with my life as I feel like enough of a failure already.
ADHD partner acts ruthlessly and never listens to me
Submitted by nagginghousewife on 06/06/2013.
Stop beating yourself up
Submitted by sunlight on
You are not coming across as a failure, you are coming across as overwhelmed and struggling because of a tremendously difficult situation at home. I imagine all of us on the forum have been there in our own way at times, and/or still are. On top of that you have a young baby, of course you are exhausted.
You say he is diagnosed ADHD, is he getting any treatment at all or does he resist the idea? Are you ever able to calmly discuss with him how it affects his family or is he focussing on himself and his needs exclusively? If he is not receiving treatment what are the chances of getting some? It also seems that being without a job or a reason to get up might also be causing him to spiral into depression, adding to the mix.