Submitted by Distressed on 07/08/2008.
My husband has severe ADD, he takes focalin and suffers all the traditional ADD symptoms, additionally he has a deep sense of sadness, feels worthless and masks his lack of joy with either a funny, upbeat, loud, annoying, or know it all personality. Shortly after our baby was born 2 years ago he began to display anger when our baby cried and his lack of self esteem really began to show through, only to me, not to others. He never complained about anything in our marriage and then all of a sudden declared he was unhappy and moving out, I begged him to finally see a therapist, something I've been asking him to do for years, he sees a psychiatrist but all he does is refill the focalin. A month later he moved out and I discovered a 6 month long affair with a girl he introduced me to. I of course filed for a divorce. The girl he had the affair with quickly stopped speaking to him and his world crashed around him. Suddenly, he realized he was all alone and had ruined his life and all that he loved but felt it is what he deserves as he is worth nothing and deserves nothing. I believe he has very strong traits of borderline personality disorder and some of narcissistic personality disorder. His therapist has told him he has a spending addiction (no doubt about that) and a sex addition. I find it hard to be angry at him anymore given all of this, I just feel sad and hope he can get help so he can be the father his baby deserves. He has even started to hurt himself, cutting himself and hitting himself. He tells me that his therapist agrees that he has traits of both BPD and NPD but says that he doesn't have the full blown personality disorders but rather the traits are caused by both the child abuse and abandonment from his childhood coupled with his ADD. He says he has a dark, deep, blackened hole in his soul from where the love of his parents should be, and it seems nothing can fill it, but he continually tries with all the destructive behavior. He says that the therapist has suggested that perhaps these disorders don't exist but rather feels they are all just symptoms of severe ADD. I'm just wondering if you have heard that such is the case as well? And is it possible to recover from this, not cure the ADD, but at some point not feel totally worthless and that you deserve nothing and stop engaging in such self destructive behavior? I'm very concerned for my husband and want my baby to have a father she can have a meaningful relationship with.