ADHD & RSD (Rejection-Sensitive Disphoria)- spouse thinks he found answer

New here and this is my first post...

I am a non- ADHD spouse and have been struggling terribly in my marriage the past 5 to 6 years. I have been stuck in a cycle of manipulation by my husband and he has not been willing to address any of it. I believe he is a good person, but he manipulates me, violates my privacy and we do not trust each other. I won’t list all the details...

We’ve been to 3 different marriage counselors... I’m working very hard to change my reaction to him; I am now speaking up about things that really bother me and he has not been able to hear it. He would physically leave the room, lose his cool, or find something wrong with me to change the topic. I’ve been dealing with this for about 2 years and this past weekend, we decided to separate. He threatened to leave before,and I was relieved when this happened, but it never did. This time we separated finances and were / are serious. The next day he started telling me he found out about RSD and that explains his behavior his whole life. He sent me several articles on it and wouldn’t stop talking about it for 3 straight days. 

He is saying RSD is the problem and is why he says hurtful things to me and it using it to explain his behavior. I am worried that he is using this to suck me back in. I really need space from him. It’s been too many years of this and I’m completely worn out; we have 2 beautiful children and of course I do not want them to get hurt by this. 

Anyone out there heard of RSD and how have you dealt with it? Does your ADHD-spouse have it? He started a new medication (Quanfacine) today but we won’t know if it’s going to help for a couple weeks. I’m realizing that this won’t answer why he is so manipulative or at least I don’t see how it could. 

Any thoughts will be so greatly appreciated. Than you.