This is my first post. I read through so many others, and it is nice to find a place where I may learn from so many other's experiences.
I have been married now for 15 months. I have a severe form of ADHD and depression. I was diagnosed almost 8 years ago and am 32 years old. My wife and I met and experienced a whirlwhind romance. Even though I was in an up and down relationship for 3 years prior, and had no intention of settling into another one, along came the love of my life. She is incredibly intelligent, very successful, driven to the point of obssessiveness. I do not want to psychoanalyze b/c that would be unfair to her, but certain styles of communication differences have been pointed out to me by counselors. I left my job and have struggled finding a new one. I always have sought to be an entrepreneur, but tried to keep my options open. The first year of marriage has been awfully tough given the lack of a job for me, a couple of incidents (one just before the marriage where I was severely attacked and wound up in the emergency room, the other was a severe auto accident where someone smashed my car leading eventually to shoulder surgery) of physical trauma, and my the tremendous pressure my wife's job put on her time (120 hrs/wk plus relocation to another city for large portions of our relationship). The external pressures of our lives served as rifts, but I believed that our fundamental baseline of communication and love would lead us through. Though we were going through a rocky time, I always believed that we'd pull through, that this was a temporary bump in the road, my wife obviously thought different. The speed and severity of our deterioration left me my head spinning. After a couple of marriage counseling meetings, she exited for what I believed was a "time out." Three weeks later she entered the session with a prepared statement wanting me to file for separation. Since this is in no way what I want, I refuse to facilitate any move she makes, and will not escalate it. I have a tremendous support system, but have found little solace in their words. They have been shaken by the finality of my wife's decision (though the "d" word has not been broght up), and the speed of the marriage's demise. We are a very fun loving couple, care about each other, and enjoy each other's company. It is obvious to me that she had a vision for things. Our communcation concerning our feelings was never done well. I overtalked she never talked about her feelings. Little things accumulated in her, but the stress of our lives seemed to push her to her breaking point.
So she moved out to her sister's who just became a new mom and lives in a massive house with her second husband. I love her family, but my wife's time alone figuring out the next step must have been affected by seeing what she believes she should have. I believe she should have this too and hope to provide it for her. Alas, our counselor was terrible, and even when we had nice times together post walk-out, the animosity she built up would reared its head. I never hid my issues, but incorporated her in my therapy sessions. I warned her before the marriage things would not be easy with me, but reassured her that my heart will always be pure for her. We lived together almost 4 years now, but communcation consistently sufferred from our differing styles and the lack of quality time we shared. Her mind appears made up at this time, and I seek not to provoke her. The saddest part is my business has so many lucrtive leads. Her walking out was the impetus to straighten up my act. She says she can't forgive me for the past, but I still don't know what I did which was so bad. She cites "promises I did not keep." I am a very loving husband, drove her to and from the airport dozens of times, lived with her in another city just to keep my finger on the pulse of our marriage, and genuinely tried to do my best in tough circumstances. The isolation due to the lack of job always made it tough for her b/c she would be my sounding board that i'd overload many a night when I'm sure she needed to recharge.
I was taking cymbalta which I didn't know was affecting me so adversely (intensified my anger and depression), and from November through mid January I was on oxycodone for the pain from shoulder surgery. I seek not to make excuses but identify and make changes accordingly. I'm humbled and attempting to meet her stipulations of "responsibility" and "independence." My wife is very committed in many facets of life save self-care. She seems so angry at me, and disregarded the positve reviews my changes have garnered. I hoped her walking-out was a shot across the bow considering she never approached anyone close to me who may have intervened. It does not seem like there is much hope right now, and it saddens me that these actions certainly do not seem to anyone I know to be the ones of the love I married. They are completely unilatteral, and I seek ways to repair the damage b/c we were one of those couples who complimented each other well. So I have posted my despair, sorry for the long topic post, but I wanted to present the sides accurately to solicit informed input (as informed as an outsider can be). My wife seems burned out, so I am giving her space. I am Catholic, so I will honor my vows until the final dissolution. Yet I cannot help but feel like Job.