ADHD Spouse and ADHD Children

I see a lot of helpful information here on working with an ADHD spouse, but both of our children also have ADHD, and their behaviors, inherited from my spouse, are a trigger for my spouse. Dealing with managing and supporting all three is killing me. I have an easier time when I am just dealing with the kids and their needed structures and it is overwhelming to have to layer in supporting my spouse as well. Advice, suggestions?

Adding kids

It can be overwhelming, to be sure!  It's not your job to parent your spouse, and if you do so your relationship will deteriorate.  So think of this as a chance to transition to a place where your partner gets the ADHD under control (you are in my seminar, right?) and takes on one task...then another...then another until you feel some relief and things are balanced out well enough.

Also, the good folks at ImpactADHD may be able to help you.  They specialize in helping parents and families with challenging kids.

From a personal experience, I wish (looking back on it) that I hadn't been so organized as the kids were growing up and that I allowed myself to be a bit more flexible and spontaneous.  I know why I was so organized - I didn't want my life to blow apart in the chaos and I had most everything on my shoulders.  But being 'mean mom' wasn't as much fun (for anyone) as lightening up a bit would have been.  As the kids got older I did better with this, and my life get SO much better.  So did everyone else's.