ADHD Spouse and ADHD Children

I see a lot of helpful information here on working with an ADHD spouse, but both of our children also have ADHD, and their behaviors, inherited from my spouse, are a trigger for my spouse. Dealing with managing and supporting all three is killing me. I have an easier time when I am just dealing with the kids and their needed structures and it is overwhelming to have to layer in supporting my spouse as well. Advice, suggestions?