Adhd spouse with anger, poor communication and verbal abuse issues ** Need advice!

I am married to a spouse with adhd and my spouse will not get help.  My spouse blames me for everything.  When I try to talk to my spouse about my feelings, concerns, fustrations, etc he always puts the blame on me, says I like to argue, says I enjoy fighting, ends the conversation, etc.  In the past ten years of our marriage he has also called me names, said I had bi-polar, ocd, personality disorder whenever I would try to talk to him about things that were bothering me in the marriage he would get very defensive and angry and if I got upset or pushed my point any more towards him that is when the name calling would start.  I have endured a lot of pain and hurt and I don't know what to do anymore.  He will not admit that there is anything wrong and continues to blame me for everything.  He is always on his computer working and I am alone 95% of the time.  I do all the housework, yardwork, cooking, cleaning, taking care of our kids.  I feel like a single mother.  I am very tired emotionally and physically.  I am tired of living like this with him.  I know in my heart that I deserve much better.  I am very angry for getting into this position and feel stuck.  Please help!!  Any advice would greatly be appreciated.  We are going to counseling but he still thinks it is me- he twists and manipulates what he has said or what I have said to go in his favor.  Sometimes he will act like a child and ignore me for days and will even avoid eye contact with me over hte silliest things.  I am just so tired of all of it.  I am very fustrated!!!  He also worries to no end about germs, the kids, other people, etc.  To the point that my oldest child is having issues with anxiety and worrying too much.  I really want to leave but I feel stuck because of the children.  Anyone out there in a similar situation?  I am tired of being the one blamed.