ADHD Spouse on Probation


How have others overcome the ADHD spouse feeling like the non-ADHD spouse is putting them on probation?  My ADHD wife keeps saying it feels like that, which makes me feel horrible, but I'm also exhausted with the clutter, forgetfullness, lack of responsibility and mistakes (many that cost us financially).  We've been married 17 years and have two sons ages 14 and 16. It kills me to think of breaking up the family over forgetfullness or household clutter. I feel my kids will blame me.

Last week she and I had a great discussion about how her ADHD is affecting me. She seemed uncharacteristically receptive...until yesterday. We were actually listening to Melissa's book and discussing some stuff in it, when it started to sink in for her how serious this was. It's been horrible since then. She's willing to see a counselor, but she said she can't keep living feeling like she's on probation, that I want to fix her and that one more mistake might end it. I agreed with her that it's not fair for her to have to live like that. Feeling pretty hopeless.