ADHD spouse runs away - literally

This is my first post. I’ve read and lurked for a good long while.  Finding solace in shared experiences.

Can we talk about running away? My grown adult husband has run away several times now in the last few years. RUN AWAY! As in twice I had to file missing persons reports, other times I didn’t. One of those times after he was found as he was crawling back home after a 23 hour over the top meltdown, we then got to sit in the hospital for 18 hours with no help after the police found him and brought him to the ER. (Covid has the ER packed and psych couldn't get to him)

Of course, when he does this, he’s in some sort of head space where it’s entirely impulsive, ill-contrived, thinks he's the victim and even says so much while he blames me and then he grovels at the end when he crawls back and says how sorry he is. Rinse and repeat. Like all the other dysfunction with him. Rise and repeat with complete and utter nonsense that he just won't hit the breaks on.  I’m over it. It’s just plain abusive and toxic for me. I don’t care the label on the explanation behind it. It’s just not healthy and for me, it’s been soul sucking.  I've gotten to the point I can't even hold my tongue when he starts up anymore.  Not helpful, I know.  But my goodness, I am human and not this robot he seems to demand that is here just to meet his unending needs and whims and clean up after his chaos and massive mess of a life (only because I'm trying to keep mine afloat because my raft is connected to his!). 

And no – he is not seeking proper treatment. Refuses despite him pretending to offer up just enough lip service to keep me providing for him. It's like having a special needs child with the worst attitude.  You know how it goes. If he were getting right treatment and not in deep denial, we would likely be in a different place. Can’t make him though. Not my job. His RSD and overall emotional dysregulation has gone through the roof over the years. No books or seminars have made headway with him (yes we tried Melissa’s seminar and I will tell you, easily 90% of it went right over his head – right over)

Tonight – again, he’s run away. And I am no longer chasing. It’s abandonment plain and simple. On top of the emotional, physical, mental, spiritual and financial abandonment that cropped up years ago in our relationship. I’m so tired of him running away when he’s in a position of needing to act like a grown-up or just doesn't get his way or get to be comfy and do whatever he wants when and how he wants. This is his answer. Like a toddler who didn’t get a cookie. ADHD or not – who does this? I am convinced there are other co-morbid disorders that have yet to be diagnosed.

He has to fend for himself now. I’m done rescuing him from his own poor choices. He has his phone with him (that of course I pay for) refusing to answer. I’m ready to suspend it and be done already.

Anyone else ever deal with this pure insanity of an ADULT running away?