My partner walked out on our 25 year marriage 4 weeks ago. He was diagnosed with ADHD in May after our adult sos diagnosis, and is still waiting to start the medication process. We have been having problems in our marriage for a while now and were trying to reconnect. More unsuccessfully than i realized. I now feel having found Melissa's book that I was so fixated on healing the disconnection that I was probably unintentionally pressuring him into doing things with me rather than give him the space he may have needed to heal. I was pushing for his help to get the work we still had to finish in the house after building works were done. So in essence pushed him to his limit. We have had a few sporadic basic whatsapp chats since he left but not had any verbal contact. He says he is scared of how I would have reacted if he had spoken to me. Which is a shame as I was never given the chance to prove him wrong and the opportunity for us to discuss things went by.
I found Melissa Orlovs book soon after he left and reading it has really opened my eyes to my behaviors, his symptoms and responses to my behaviors. I truly want to keep trying but feel he might not be willing at this moment if at all. I feel he has no idea of how it feels from the non adhd spouses side of the relationship and so can't move past the blame game. I have so many questions I don't know where to start.. Is it to late for us? Have others got this far and recovered? I understand so much more now and want to share it with him in the hope he has the same epiphany I had. Should I ask him to read the start of Melissa's book the ADHD effect on marriage in the hope of it opening his eyes too? When's a good time to do this? Any advice would and hope would be gratefully received. I'm currently hyper focusing on getting through to him, reading and listening to podcasts but worry I may push too hard and that I'm setting myself up for a massive fall when he just swipes my attempts to get us to counselling aside. All this and I have no idea when we'll be getting together. Hoping it will be within the next two weeks as he's back in the uk then. Ever hopeful