ADHD spouses.Their parents and upbringing, how was it?

       I am interested in the upbringing of the ADHD people.( Mostly the ones of us whose spouses HAVE this.) How was your spouse brought up? And when did they (or not) know about the ADHD? We didn't find out my H had ADHD until he was around 50. And, later on we learned his mother was bipolar and had Alzheimer's. 

    H's mother was strange, (I know now because of the bipolar diagnosis) but she taught him so many weird things, and didn't teach him better things. She emotionally neglected all her kids, and all of them had serious problems. Fear, guilt, neglect, anger issues were all there. I guess in part I'm talking about the "nature vs nurture" thing. How much is nature and how much of his behavior was caused by lack of nurture and wrong nurturing. Then add in ADHD, and poor coping skills. Anyone else care to add?

      I've tried to talk to H about his mother's lack of nurturing skills, and how this affected him. He defends her and shuts down, so I quit trying. So many of the spouses here don't want to examine the reasons they do the things they do, and why their lives are always in some sort of chaos. It's also the reason why so many of US are here on this forum......because....our spouses don't want to examine their ADHD issues. Just asking, curious.