ADHD an Trauma

My husband and  I have been together for 20 years. We have been married for 5 1/2 years. I have always known he has had issues due to extreme childhood abuse. There's no question in my mind he suffers from ADHD in addition to history. He sees a therapist of his own. I see mine and occasionally we both see his.  My therapist beloved very strongly he has adhd and his therapist is dealing with the trauma. He is not being treated for ADHD cannot take medication. I am constantly the one in charge of everything. I have lists, reminders and basically take care of everything. He has huge debt and we are not kids.  I'm exhausted and resentful. I look around at others and don't see this in their marriages.  This week after 20 years came the biggest shock. He did not know where I went to college initially, What my major was or which industry I worked on upon graduation. The more I spoke to him the more he didn't know.   I feel  like I've been talking to myself that last 20 years. I am exhausted and stressed out. He is lovely man, intelligent and has a very big heart and constantly blames the trauma and says he wants to change. He never argues with me about the things I point out but I know it could never be fixed and I don't know if I can live  that way the rest of my life. I suffer from chronic anxiety and this not helping.