I'm a 25 year old woman who has been married for just about a year and a half to a wonderful man. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6 years old, and tested many times over the years. I've been to see several doctors, tried multiple types of medications, treatments and therapy. Currently I take 30mg of Adderall twice a day, which I hope soon to bring down to 20mg twice a day.
When my husband and I got together in 2007, we clicked in everyway. We both wanted a traditional family where he was head of the family and I was head of the home. He knew that I wanted to be a housewife and stay at home mom. Before and after we got engaged I tried to talk to him about my issue of having ADHD and that I do have problems with conflict, focus, and getting things done, that I've been having problems like that my whole life. He responded everytime that he doesn't believe that ADHD exists, that its something that doctors and drug companies came up with to make money, that I just need to focus and do what has to be done.
Well, we got married at the end of 2007 and have a loving marriage except for the fact that I have a problem with getting housework done. Let me go back and explain something first. When I got married I didn't have insurance to stay on my medication for adhd and I didn't get back on my meds for about 8 months into the marriage. And convincing my husband that I needed to get back on treatment didn't go well at all. For those 8 months I felt like a child, no matter what I did I couldn't keep my mind focused on getting even something simple done. Putting dishes in the dishwasher, making the beds, etc...Now I'm back on my meds and its helping out a lot, but there is the problem with the hyperfocus thing, (anyone with add/hd know exactly what I mean). My husband would come home and see that not everything was done, that I wasn't doing what I said I would do when we got married. This would start huge fights that would last hours, that would leave me crying like a baby and hardly able to talk because I was overwhelmed with not knowing what to say. He would complain about how I can't communicate and when I do I go into a huge long winded detailed story. I don't know how to break things down like he can. I just wish he could understand that.
My hardest problem is staying focused and not procrastinating. Its not fair to him or myself that I can go to work and work hard there because it's a job I enjoy, but when I'm home I can't do simple house chores. I hate feeling like a disappointment to him, I hate knowing that he thinks I'm being lazy and that I'm doing this because I don't love him. I hate that he feels like I'm not contributing to our marriage. He sees that I can read and play a game for hours, but I have a hard time being the housewife I said I wanted to be. He tells me everytime during a argument that ADHD is just an excuse, you just don't want to follow through, you can't be an adult and grow up and get over it. How can I get him to understand? I don't know what to do, I really try and I see why he's upset. I just don't know how to get over my complications and do what I need to do without giving up.