As a long-term partner of someone with ADHD, when I was looking for support, I became increasingly sick of reading how it's me that should adapt and change all the time - because after all that's what my ADHD partner needs. Often, threads in forums labelled as 'support for partners' are immediately hijacked by those with ADHD quickly telling us what they need us to do in order to help them - like we don't do that and live with that every day. I couldn't work out immediately why this irritated me so much until I came to the conclusion that, actually yes, their lives are impacted by their condition, heaven knows, we can read everywhere how much it affects them and how hard it is for them to manage because they can't process stuff in the same way as the rest of us. It's may be hard for them, but here's the truth - our brains DO work as they should, but even so, ADHD imposes something upon us that WE can't understand and that makes it even harder for us. We don't have any psychological issues but we have to live in a world of chaos anyway, and in many ways that's even worse than an ADHD sentence because it's not our brains that created it. No meds available to fix us..no diagnosis for our problems..no specialist therapists to help us. We just have to get on with it. The frustration, the fear of not knowing what will turn up next - unpaid fines - motor offences - or even bank foreclosure and loss of home as well as never having a grown-up adult relationship where OUR needs are fulfilled as well.
So, here's some advice to anyone contemplating a relationship with an ADHD-er. Go ahead...if you're happy and rewarded to be a lifelong carer; if you're content to never have your own emotional needs met; if you're prepared to take 100% financial responsibility and manage everything of importance. If you're happy with all that, then respect to you. If not, then RUN as fast as you can - get out - free yourself before it's too late and you are trapped forever with no way out.