My wife has ADD. It went undiagnosed for most of her life. After a web search I figured she had ADD and I told her to ask a therapist about it. Of course she was immediately prescribed Adderall. At first it wasn't so bad. Some things got better, she would clean up a bit better and not sleep in so late, and I sure it helped her with work. This was several years ago. With the Adderall her drinking has gotten worse, she drinks 5 to 6 drinks a night. She claims she needs to drink to sleep. In addition, her doctor has put her on thyroid meds and she had a Hysterectony. Her chemical balance is all messed up. If I even try to mention it she gets super defensive.
Her behavior in the last few months has become very self obsessed andn mean. She is always on her phone and just wants to hang out with her friends. She is gotten very short and irritable with me. Sometimes I think she is having an affair, but I checked her phone and no evidence of that.
I would like to get her to drink less and get off the adderall. However I think she may be addicted to at least one of them.
Sounds like a reevaluation of her medication is in high order
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Sounds like a reevaluation of her prescribed medication is in high order. This evaluation should be done by a psychiatrist who specializes in treating ADHD. Of course she has to agree to do it and the 'super defensiveness' might be a sign of rejection sensitive dysphoria and/or oppositional defiance disorder. Her 'chemical balance' can be further skewed by menopause and her ADHD-fueled reaction to the menopause could be catastrophic. I believe I am projecting my ADHD-wife's experience and subsequent behavior. (It has not turned out well.) Good luck.
No advice..Just empathy....
Submitted by c ur self on
My wife is the same in behavior....Her addiction's is the TV, and staying in the bed unless something exciting is going on..(She's on the adderall also)....Refuses to discuss her behavior, justifies it, very defensive if I try to pursue conversation about her life style...(fight or flight)....
She spent the last two days w/ her sister who came to town Kayaking...Yesterday afternoon when her sister left, she flopped down and watched TV for an hour then said I'm going to take a nap for an hour...LOL..That was 6:30 PM.....It's 10:05 am here, she is still in bed....
I don't have the alcohol problem...thankfully....My suggestion is counseling if she is willing....best wishes friend.....Ive thought the same thing about affairs, but she hasn't....If you and I lived the way they lived, we would probably be having one....
Speaking of empathy, has
Submitted by billdo on
Speaking of empathy, has anyone noticed that the Adderall causes them to lose all empathy. She just doesn't seem to care, she used to like dogs. Now our dogs have become a nuisance to her and she hates them.
Lack of empathy....That's common for mine.....
Submitted by c ur self on
When my wife is down...(knee replacement, sick etc..) she wants waited on like she was a queen lol.....She see's your life in those moments only existing for that reason (my experience)....I am so thankful I've been healthy and accident free for the 11 years of our marriage....It wouldn't shock me or our grown children if I got down, that they (or hire it from the outside) would have to do most of my care....She just isn't driven by care and responsibility....She is driven by self interest and frivolity.....
Thankfully I recognize it.....
A different focus
Submitted by overwhelmed wif... on
I think you have already received good advice on your post, so I'd like to move to a different focus: you. You are in a very difficult situation and you are (naturally) focusing on your wife. I'd suggest that you also give a good deal of thought to yourself. Spend some time thinking about what you want and need. What you are willing to put up with and what you aren't. What you will do when your boundaries are crossed. I recently learned that boundaries aren't for other people, they're for myself. For example, I don't want my husband to be mean to me. However, I can't just tell him not to be mean to me. That doesn't work and, in truth, I have no right to tell him how to act. But, since I have a boundary for myself, I know that when he is being mean I leave the room or the situation. No arguing, no crying. I just respect my own boundary and leave.
ADD overcome alcohol
Submitted by sarahcarrington on
My opinion helping her overcome Alcohol is the first step. Here is an article addressing the Help Someone Overcome Alcohol Addiction, hope that helps.