As you can see from the subject line, it's reached "critical mass" here. Trying to physically restrain me from getting into my vehicle to prevent me from going to church, then chasing me on foot until I actually turned the corner...the advice I'd received seemed far overdo. The advice had come from professionals and also 3 folks I've known for over 30 years. The yelling, screaming, jumping up and down is daily. There is no talking to my spouse without a rage taking place and I'm not up to it any longer. No matter the topic, it always ends up "I've got ADHD and it's not my fault. It's the way I am. It's a brain dysfunction". He is a medical professional in psychology and helps others cope and strategize in dealing with a whole host of issues, especially ADHD. He has had the police called on him due to his extreme behavior while out in public (including a hospital and a large clinic). However, I get told it's always my fault. I need to add that, of course, he's always invited to attend church with me. This, however, happened to be a day he had to work. He was going to be leaving the house 45 minutes after me.
I'm told I should have used this word instead of that word. Several years ago I learned to select my words very carefully so they could not be misunderstood. It created such fear that I had even kept a journal of all these "forbidden words". Those journals were burned when it dawned on me it had nothing to do with which words I'd spoken. Now, there are perceived "looks" I give my spouse. Although, there's no truth to this, as often I'm not even on the same floor in the house. This plus the constant negativity regarding almost everything has worn me out.
Physically, I'm dealing with several significant health issues. They are improving and I'm beyond grateful. Simply put, the advice I received was not what I really desire. Yet, I cannot handle the daily struggle. There are also daily "promises" that occur as well. Yet, not ONCE has a promise been kept. There are as many excuses as there are grains of sand on the planet. We'd even been to counseling. That didn't go well as my spouse stood up, pointed his finger in his face and said "You're going to listen to me! I'm paying for this session".
Right now, even the thought of an "exit strategy" is tiring. I've no energy left. Outwardly, I'm quiet yet inwardly, I'm screaming.