First-time poster, long-time reader, new member.
I'm a 32-year-old male with ADHD that was only recently diagnosed, which is still confusing given how much I struggled in high school and college. Up until maybe 24-25, I felt as though I was headed on the right path, then things slowly started to unravel. I've got a partner of 11 years who I was ready to marry 7 years ago before it all fell apart (a one-year bout with agoraphobia was the catalyst that sent me into a tailspin). It's like I blinked, woke up at 32 and found myself $40K in debt, struggling to work and riddled with anxiety. We have been living with family for the past three years, but while she's been saving and building up to start a life for us, I've been drowning in the deep end. The pandemic was a nightmare for me, as staying home lead me down a road of various impulses and addictions (all behavioral, and all including money). Fortunately, I do make good money when I am working, as my creative mind is advertising's best friend. I'm not looking for pity or sympathy, I made my bed and I'll sleep in it, but rather any tips, tricks or pieces of advice you've used to right the ship when you're down and out. I love my partner more than anything, though I honestly have no idea why she's still with me, and want to put in the effort to build a real, sustainable life for us. I just have no clue where to even start and get overwhelmed (and often bored) after the first step each time. The stress I feel in my heart knowing what my mind has done to her is honestly unbearable. It breaks me and I want and need to make this right, so any and all food for thought is appreciated. I should also mention that I'm unable to take medication due to health reasons.
Thanks very much in advance.
A good first step!
Submitted by BlueberryPancakes on
The fact that you're taking responsibility for your actions is an important first step, I think it's important to acknowledge that.
I'm curious to know what you have tried so far. Do you practice any self care? If we don't have energy reserved for ourselves it's hard to begin giving it to others. Do you try and go on dates once a week, even if it's a picnic in a new green spot?
As for finances, I've been following ADHD finance coaches for a little while now and trying to take notes. Queerd.co on tiktok gives out tips and tricks for people with ADHD. And thepsychdoctormd also has some great Infobytes on her account.
You mentioned that you can't take medication, is that only stimulants? It sounds like, from what you briefly described, you struggle with a lot of depressive/understimulation symptoms. Is there any chance of going on an antidepressant? I found this really helped me once I found the right one. When I was more emotionally stable, I was able to take better care of myself and slowly face my addiction.
Best of luck, here to spitball ideas if you need it!