Affluent ADD partner - how to proceed?


After several years, I've realized my partner is high-functioning ADD. He has blurts and doesn't hear me a majority of the time, although he tries to do well. My self-worth was very badly damaged, but I love him and I am realizing that I fell in love with someone with a disorder. I'm a professional, bull-headed type who has never responded well...but now I understand that he can't help it.


Here are my questions: 1) How can I make him realize that I want him to learn, but it's a two-way street? I have a therapist I'd love to share, but it's "leading a horse to water"...

2) How do I handle the hateful blurts? I'm an "affirmation" guy, which makes things very difficult. 

Really, any help is appreciated - I'm new at this. I could use any advisement, but I probably identify best with the high-earner ADD spouses. The confused, German-car driving spouses that drink because they don't know why they're not up to snuff any longer. Please be direct and stay on track - let me know what's worked for you, and we can exchange experiences.