I am not married, but in a serious relationship with an ADHD partner. I can see myself married to him someday if the relationship gets there. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this forum. I read Dr. Hallowell's "Delivered From Distraction" and it gave me so very much. All of my instincts were so validated. Everyone should read it if you have not. What you may be thinking is red flag behavior is not with ADHD. I want to share all that I embrace about him AND his ADHD. I think it makes things better, not worse. I never ever want him to "change".
-he is genuine and caring, to me and to everything around him
-he is compassionate
-he puts all of himself into everything he does, so what if it's not me at the moment? The beauty of his whole hearted effort can not be ignored. And I'll see him when the distraction is done. For that matter, why are other things "distractions"? They are important too, and could be overlooked by many. The last dance is mine, so who cares?
-he can think and act outside of the box, real life skills, real fun, real important
-he can give me a place for 100% of me in our relationship, and I can't remember that ever happening. He pays attention to all of me even the often overlooked parts.
-he challenges my intelligence and adaptability on a daily basis, and I love that.
-he will NEVER EVER be boring or get stuck in a rut, and neither will our day to day life
-knowing him makes me wish everyone had ADHD because it turns up the volume in all aspects of life.
-I have never had so much fun knowing anybody and an intimate relationship with an ADHD partner could very well be the experience of a lifetime. And if I am fortunate, it will be a lifetime experience.
-he is never going through the motions, but living every moment to the fullest. Isn't that the way it should be?
-he knows how to live out loud
I can go on and on. It's only been a year, but it just keeps getting better. Every relationship has challenges, but so what? I hope more people can focus on the positives. Be confident and secure in yourself. Arm yourself with knowledge. Know that this is his/her "normal" and that it's perfectly ok. Better than ok.
I think we compliment each other and increase the quality of life. And he stopped hyper focusing on me six months ago. But my memory is good and I know his feelings have not changed. Now and then I will check in and ask, but in my heart I know. And that is everything that I need. I am pretty far from perfect myself, but that doesn't seem to bother him too much.