My husband has ADHD, and it is affecting our marriage greatly. I am also almost 9 months pregnant and I must say that this pregnancy has been an emotional roller coaster. I feel so lost right now and I need all the help and advice I can get.
I just recently found out that my husband has ADHD, and since then, I have researched, and read all I possibly can about it. I also showed it to my husband, hoping that some miracle will happen. I know that nothing can be fixed right away, but I at least wanted him to see my point of view. Its weird how everything other spouses have said I also have said. I honestly thought that I was the only person that was dealing with something like this.
We have tried to sit down and talk and create a schedule suitable for him to try and follow each day. It worked for about 2 weeks and now its falling apart. I understand that this isn't going to be easy, but he also refuses to get help and thinks that he can cure himself. I used to yell at him all the time, asking him why he is so lazy, or how could he forget, etc... But after I read some of the blogs/posts, I started to approach the issues in different ways, one of them was leaving him alone until I have calmed down. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. And sometimes I just feel like things are so unfair. I am hormonal, pregnant, emotional and overwhelmed all at the same time, and I am still doing almost everything around the house. I feel like I cannot say anything to him because he will snap out at me or because I feel like I can't because "he has ADHD".
I just feel so lost and so alone. Knowing that he is not "hyper focused" on me or is unable to be sympathetic towards my feelings really hurts. I'm scared of what will happen when the baby arrives, I am just afraid of alot of things.
My husband likes to play this game on the computer 24/7. It seems like from the moment he wakes up, from the time he gets off work, he runs straight for the computer. I used to joke around with him and tell him that the computer was his other wife. Then I actually felt like I was competing with a computer!!! This has been an ongoing problem. I understand why he does it now, so I tried to help him by making a "game time" schedule. I probably spoiled him a little by giving him massive amount of game time, but he decided on his own that every Tuesday, he would not go on the computer.
We also had a talk about him not listening to me, and he had mentioned, that I had to be nice about it and convince him that we had made him a schedule and that he would have to stick to it. So for example, today, is Tuesday, which meant no computer. So I told him, nicely, that today is Tuesday and that he shouldn't be on. But he kept going on anyway, and then threw a fit because I told him so. So after that, I just left him alone and he has been ignoring me since, which is fine. But inside I am dying. I really don't know what to do at this point.
Is there a way to get through this without having to end my marriage???? We are a young couple, mid 20s and about to have our first baby. It seems all the symptoms listed, he has. When he doesn't get his way, he throws a fit, and he takes it out on me, and there are times when he just says the meanest things to me. I feel like I am the crazy one, and I feel so helpless in this situation for the fact that I want to help, but I don't know what I can do to help him anymore. I don't want to be his mother/maid, I want to be his wife.
This relationship is toxic and unhealthy for me now. I don't know what to do, but at the same time, I don't want to give up on him. How can I help him???