Alone with ADHD

I'm 39 years old and recently been diagnosed with ADHD.  I learned about my special brain in a very unfortunate way.  My husband of only three months at the time said he was going to divorce me during an intense argument and left the next day never to return.  We had a 3 1/2 year good relationship prior to the marriage.  He could no longer deal with my behavior and how it had taken it's toll on him emotionally.  I did not know what was wrong.  He did not know what was wrong.  I did know that the stress of buying a house, planning a wedding, a job transition, and learning to live together, was more change than I was able to handle.  I was in a downward spiral that had started when all of the major changes began to happen in my life.  Since being diagnosed I have taken every step necessary to to manage everything.  Creating structure & routine in my life, educating myself, talk therapy, and medication.  It's been six months now and I am doing amazing!  Well, except for the loss I feel about my husband.  I hurt him so badly that he has refused to help or support me in any way.  He has not even given me an opportunity to explain to him how my ADHD put such a strain on our relationship.  He has the mindset that I am a perfectionist, controlling, and verbally abusive.  Perceptions that so many have until they know the characteristics of ADHD.  Our divorce will be final in less than a month.  I'm grieving the loss of my husband.  I feel so extremely sad and misunderstood.  I am well aware that I cannot use my disorder as an excuse for my behavior.  However, I just cannot understand why I was abandoned at a time when I needed help, love, and understanding.  I feel things would be different today if he knew and understood all of this about me.  He will not give me the opportunity to tell him any of it.  I believe he is still filled with anger and resentment even though he says that he isn't.  I know that undetected ADHD has caused many relationships to go sour.  So here I am blogging about my ADHD experience in hopes that I can find someone who has also been left by their loved one due to undetected ADHD.  How do I cope with such a loss?  I'm alone . . . . I mean really alone.  A distant relationship with my father is the extent of my family.  A few close friends have been supportive the best they know how.  I have a need to communicate with someone who shares some of my same experiences.