I am wondering if other nonADHD spouses experience what I do in terms of having to be the one to always initiate things?
We don't get out of bed unless I say "Are you ready to get up?"
We don't eat unless I say "Are you hungry?"
We don't go out unless I say "Are you ready to go?"
We don't make plans unless I say "Do you want to get together with so and so this weekend?"
We don't go out together unless I say "Do you want to go for a walk?" or "Do you want to go to a museum tomorrow?"
We don't do anything together at home unless I say "Want to play a game?"
We don't have a snack while watching TV unless I say "Do you feel like some popcorn?"
We don't go to bed unless I say "Ready for bed?"
I think you get the picture.
I am starting to find it exhausting to always be the on who initiates and plans everything. In fact, lately I feel tired all the time, and I think part of it is that I am the one who is constantly "putting things out there" in order to do anything with my wife.
It feels like if it was up to her, she would just stay on the computer all day or sit on the couch playing games on her iPhone.
It wasn't always like this. There used to be a time when she suggested things as much as I did. It's something I really liked about her. But no more. I guess it must have been part of the hyperfocus phase that I hear so much about.
The other interesting thing is - that when it comes to sex, my wife frequently initiates (and I do not). The thing is, I am usually so tired, or else we have been barely getting along, or I just don't feel much of a connection with her, and so I hardly ever feel like having sex.
And now we realize we are in a sort of catch 22: she needs to have sex to feel connected, and I need to feel connected to have sex. So neither of us is getting what we want/need.