Why would he do that? I ask myself that question to just about everything my ADHD H does. He consistently does things that are so inconsiderate and I swear half the time it’s not on purpose because he doesn’t even try and hide it. It’s just like he can’t think thru his actions and even consider if I would be hurt or offended or upset by his actions. The only thing that matters is his wants and needs.
I am beginning to understand this behavior is typical of ADHD so I doubt I’ll ever get him to stop the behavior but how do you addresses the issue so they understand it’s inappropriate and hurtful? Nothing I do or say has worked.
For example. Yesterday I sent a few text to check in on my H as we work opposite shifts right now. He never responded. I was worried because he’s had health issues and I even made my son go check on him. He was fine, just asleep. I got home and he said his phone was on buzz, hadn’t heard it and was working part of the day so didn’t look at his phone. But, then he mentioned that he was bored and looked up his ex-stepdaughter because he was curious as to what she looked like now. It’s been 13 years since he last saw her or his other kids with his ex-wife. Ok, so no time for me, but he can do that. Irritating but nothing to fight over. Then he gushes about what a knock out she grew into, just stunning. He shows me the picture and it’s of her and his ex-wife, he had it saved to his photos on his phone! I know for a fact that the girl has a facebook account and there are several pics of only her, but he picked the picture to save that has his ex-wife in it too. That picture came from her Pinterest page. Then he gushes about how she got her mom’s great genes and her figure (the girl is a dancer for a MBA basketball team). This comes from a man who can’t take the time to tell me I look ok let alone pretty or hot. Makes me want to rip my hair out!
Seriously, he knows I can’t stand it when he goes on and on about how smoking hot and stunning his ex was (is). He goes on and on about her perfect body and that she was so hot when they were married she would stop traffic and several bar fights just to keep other men off of her. He goes on and on about how she dressed, did her hair, nails and make up and always tries to tell me I’d look good if I were to try some of those things she use to (still does). A week never goes by without him talking about her and he knows it drives me insane!
But, I remained calm and asked if he thought that was the best picture to save? He looked at me like I was crazy and said that he liked that one of her because it shows how stunning her eyes are and then shuffled off to the sofa.
Granted, he has done WAY worse than this, but come on! He seriously can’t think 2 steps ahead and even consider that I might not love the idea he’s keeping pictures on his phone of his ex, who he claims to hate more than anyone on this plant. I just don’t know how I’m ever going to get him to stop doing things that hurt me.