Ever since we had the argument a week ago, I've been stewing over what I see as a major difference in opinion between H and I. I'll try to be brief. It's fair to say that H is obsessed with his phone. He uses it constantly. The first thing he does in the morning is check social media, before he makes coffee or eats breakfast, and he looks at it all through breakfast even though one or more of us are usually at the table with him. If he decides to join me on the couch if I am watching TV, he won't actually watch anything or participate in anything with me; he will only sit next to me and look at his phone, as if he is alone. Then he goes downstairs to work and doesn't come back upstairs to do anything more than use the bathroom until dinnertime, and the phone joins us at the table.
I calmly told him last week how this behavior bothers me. I said that it makes me feel invisible and unimportant because there is no way I or our girls can compete with social media or the internet. I reminded him that he said he would have more time for us when he started his own business and worked from home, and yet we hardly see him. Even at meals, he is distracted by his phone. He can't put it down for more than a few minutes. H responded with, "Well, at least I am home a lot more than I was when I worked for Company X." I replied that that isn't really true, because when he is using his phone or on his computer, which is all the time unless he is sleeping, he is only physically present, not mentally or emotionally, and for me, it's worse than him not being home at all. H got angry and said that it's not the same at all, that him being there is way better than him being in an office an hour away, and for me to say it was easier for me when he wasn't home much was unreasonable.
I couldn't make him understand that when he ignored texts or phone calls when he was working out of the house, I understood because I assumed that he was working so hard and was so busy that he couldn't respond. Now that he is home all the time, I see that when he is upstairs away from his home office he is just too wrapped up in his phone to pay attention to anything I or the girls say or do. I can say that I am lonelier now than I was when he was gone all the time, because I know now the phone and his job comes first, not me or our girls, and I see that this is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. This is it. And that makes me sad and furious, and I have to bury it down deep so my girls don't see it. I have been doing this for 4 months and I am so tired, but I can't seem to make H understand how I feel.
So maybe he is right. Maybe I am being unreasonable about this. Am I?